First kisses can be pretty awkward occurrences. It’s like, “Wow, I’m putting my mouth on another person’s mouth right now. That’s weird.” Turns out it’s even weird for the beautiful and famous people in our world. I’m sure you’re rolling your eyes right now. “Yeah right,” you say, “next thing you’ll tell me January Jones had a mullet when she was a kid.” Well, she did.
And the thing about the awkward celebrity first kisses is true as well. Some of them have even been generous enough to share the stories with us. But hey, at least these celebrities didn’t have to have that embarrassing moment happen on camera with a bunch of crew people watching. You can see a whole separate list of those poor celebs over here.
1. Zayn Malik
“I was probably about eight or nine years old. I remember the girl being a lot taller than me, and it was outside somewhere so I had to like stand on top of a brick to get to her level heightwise.”
This is the stuff greeting cards are made of. And totally the type of first kiss story an adorable boy-bander would tell.
2. Ed Sheeran
“My first kiss with tongue was probably like everyone’s first kiss with tongue. I think if you watched a lot of, like, One Tree Hill or The OC, your first kiss with tongue would be probably on point, because you’d study it, but I hadn’t seen any of those programs. I think the first kiss with tongue I saw onscreen was like a James Bond film. Pierce Brosnan just goes in with tongue, so it was one of them. It was very awkward and wet.”
I just love how Ed basically thinks you need to have a PhD in tongue-kissing before you attempt it, and the course books are episodes of teen shows. I also think he should write a song about it called “Awkward and Wet.”
“I was 16, a guy I knew through friends from school, he was walking me home from the movies, and I honestly was so nervous and couldn’t believe I was getting my first kiss, so I don’t remember much else but turning around and running home.”
I’m just so charmed by this. But I’ll bet that’s not what happened when she and her hubby Adam Brody first kissed. Only a crazy person would run away from him.
4. Harry Styles
“I was 11 and I was in my house with my best friend and this girl and her friend. We were just watching a film and then we kissed. I think I pretended I’d kissed someone before because it was cooler. Was I any good? Probably!”
Harry, did you make it awkward for your BFF and your girlfriend’s friend by kissing in front of them? Typical Harry. And I think you should really ask Taylor Swift to write a review before you go praising your own kissing abilities.
“I was in fifth grade and thought I was in love with a boy named Graham. So we kissed. Then he broke my heart and told everybody that I was flat-chested and that’s why he didn’t like me anymore.”
This makes me very sad. It also confuses me, because since when is the flatness of someone’s chest some kind of rumor you pass around? That’s pretty visible, no? Anyway, Reese apparently later became Facebook friends with this guy. Hope he learned better manners.
6. Max George
“My first ever kiss was at a caravan site when I was there with my cousins, and I was 11, and I think she was about 14. And she bit my tongue. It was bleeding… I thought, well it can’t get any worse, and it hasn’t.”
Guys, I don’t know about you, but I’m a little worried that Max George is now a vampire. P.S. A caravan site is like the British version of an RV park. And also maybe where vampires hang out. The more you know.
“I must have been 14. Yeah, 14. And I was on tour. My face turned red. I had to get back on the tour bus after and this is when our parents were on our bus. Yeah, that was funny. And everybody was like, ‘What happened? What’d you just do?’ Ay-ya-ya-ya-ya.”
I don’t know what that sound is at the end there, but all I’m imagining is Ashlee doing that little jig she did on SNL and getting the hell off that bus. Sorry, Ashlee. I’m never letting you live that down.
“My first kiss was just awkward as hell. I had no idea what I was doing and he knew exactly what he was doing, so it was awkward for me. You have to nurture your inner child and forgive yourself when you think back on things like that because it’s okay!”
Of course Shailene would include comments about her “inner child” in her first kiss story. OF COURSE.
“Uhhh why am I thinking of my grandmother, I don’t know why.”
Robert Pattinson is a special kind of weird that both annoys me and entertains me to no end. FYI, this was part of a Kelly & Michael speed segment in which he also said his favorite sandwich is “sandwich” and wanted to be “a child” when he grew up. WHAT IS HAPPENING.