Rihanna recently gave a fan at her concert a lap dance on stage. She’s done this before (just another day at the office), but this time people are talking about it because it’s so gosh darn awkward. The lap dance recipient is being described as “nerdy,” mostly because he wears glasses. Whether you agree with calling him a nerd or not, you’re very likely to come down with a case of the cringe as you watch Rihanna grind on him like there’s no tomorrow while he tries to figure out what the hell to do with his own body parts.
And really, what do you do with your body parts when Rihanna invites you onto the stage to writhe on top of you while donning a platinum blonde wig. What’s the protocol here? Do you just lie back and think of England? What facial expression do you make? Should you look like you’re adorably flustered or lustfully enthusiastic or endlessly amused? And then if she takes your glasses off (which Rihanna does, because she must have heard once that that’s what sexy ladies do to nerdy guys), what if you can’t even see what’s going on to make the right decision? Your hand could brush her ass without you even knowing it.
This guy’s answer to all these questions, however, is to just throw up some hand horns and call it a day. But my favorite part, and the part that makes me more uncomfortable than anything else in the video (which is saying a lot considering the subject matter) is when they’re lowered down on a platform and you can see the guy try twice to awkwardly get up like, “What the hell am I supposed to do now? Are we finished? Can I have my glasses back? How do I get out of here?”