You might remember a few months ago when Nicole Richie was caught on video being walked like a dog onstage at a Britney Spears concert. You might have been thinking, “Oh no, poor Nicole Richie must have been so embarrassed. She just wanted to have a fun night in Vegas and she ended up on a leash.” But don’t you worry about Nicole, because she was having the time of her life, and she’s very excited to tell you (and Jimmy Fallon) about it. Just warning you now that you will very likely feel weirdly happy for her.
Nicole explains that she’s been a die-hard fan of Britney Spears since she was 15 years old, and she was overjoyed to be able to see her in concert during her Las Vegas residency. Little did she know she’d be invited onto the stage and told by Britney’s handlers to get down on all fours. But Nicole did what any devoted fan would do in that situation. She shrugged her shoulders and obeyed. Cue Britney walking her on a harness and spanking her with a whip. Nicole says she felt like a 15-year-old again. Thankfully she wasn’t an actual 15-year-old, because that might be considered inappropriate.
Nicole also calls it “the greatest moment of my life,” which I’m hoping is hyperbole but seems like it could be genuine, based on the blinding sparkle in her eye when she talks about it. Look, I’m willing to accept that it was an exciting time for her, but let’s be real here. She has two babies and a husband and a blue dye job. Any of those things should probably trump Britney Spears treating her like a dog in front of an audience on her list of greatest moments. Nicole, I’m really happy for you, and I’mma let you finish, but you should probably reevaluate your priorities. But like I said, I’m happy for you, which is something I won’t even begin to try to understand.