You know that thing where you’re a celebrity in a famous family, and there are rumors you have a secret son, but you don’t want people to think you have a secret son, so you tweet about planning to see your son on a national holiday, but then deny it later and scold everyone for taking it seriously? Rob Kardashian knows all about that, because it’s exactly what he did last night.
In a now-deleted tweet (which is pointless in a world of screenshots and short-term human memory), Rob wrote, “Happy I got my Son with me for the 4th tomorrow !! Can’t wait to watch fireworks with my little man ! Hope everyone is safe !” And unsurprisingly, people thought maybe this was a confession. A confession that he is the father of Jesus Christ, based on the capitalization of “Son.” I didn’t know Rob Kardashian was God, but I’d always suspected it might be someone from that family, so it’s not really that shocking.
Except LOL JK Rob was totally not serious, you guys… which he only realized he needed to clear up hours later when he sent a new tweet acting like everyone was so silly for taking anything he said seriously. Can’t we tell when someone who’s rumored to have a secret son is posting a fake confession about said secret son?
Those who know me know I play and I do NOT have a Son. Y’all got my mama emailing me asking if I have a Son lol goodness hahaha. GOODnight
— ROBERT KARDASHIAN (@robkardashian) July 4, 2014
See, it’s as simply as that. Those who “know” Rob understand he was joking, so I guess he assumes that all 5 million of his followers are personal acquaintances who will shrug off fatherhood confessions. Oh, and when Rob says his “mama” (also known as Satan’s BFF Kris Jenner) emailed him asking if he has a son, I’m assuming what he really means is she emailed him saying, “NO ONE’S SUPPOSED TO KNOW ABOUT THAT! SAY YOU WERE JOKING! I KNEW I SHOULDN’T HAVE LET YOU OUT OF YOUR SOCK-MAKING DUNGEON TO GO ON THE INTERNET!”
Because, even though we don’t really know whether or not these son rumors are true, what if they are and this is all some elaborate plan to throw us off the scent by thoroughly confusing us? After all, he also sent a tweet two weeks ago referring to his “baby mama”:
And to my baby mama I loveeeeeeee you
— ROBERT KARDASHIAN (@robkardashian) June 21, 2014
Of course, this was sent soon after a tweet denying other tabloid reports about him, so it could just be a sarcastic reference to the rumor mill. OR IT COULD ALL BE PART OF THE PLAN!