Channing Tatum And Jenna Dewan Totally Aren’t Breaking Up At All So Quit Asking Okay??

Channing Tatum and Jenna Dewan-Tatum attending 22 Jump Street premiere June 2014Channing Tatum and Jenna Dewan-Tatum want you to know that their marriage is totally fine, thank you! Nothing to see here, move along! Chip chop chip! Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain!

You may be thinking to yourself right now, “Well that’s odd; I don’t recall asking about your five-year marriage, Tatums”, and that would be accurate. None of us brought it up. But Star Magazine did, with the headline ‘Channing Tatum & Jenna Dewan: Is the Magic Gone?’ Having read that fateful article myself, I can report back that the answer is yes, the magic is gone. They allege that Channing drinks too much and flirts with random women while away on film shoots, resulting in no more rabbits coming out of hats, no more ladies getting sawed in half, no more disappearing acts. (And yes, these are all sexual references.)

But even though Star prints a story with wild allegations approximately every thirty-eight seconds, for some reason Jenna felt obligated to respond to this one, taking to her WhoSay page to fire back:

“@ChanningTatum? and @JennalDewanTatum? Caught in Three-way with Sasquatch in 7-11 Bathroom!” would be a more accurate headline for @Star_News?’s cover. But this is our world– where mags can concoct outright lies about real people in order to sell it to you as ‘journalism’. Hope we all think hard about what this means and start to demand better. I know we can. Love y’all. – CT and JDT”

Okay sure girl, I hear you…and I probably wouldn’t have considered even asking before, but now that you’re protesting, I can’t help remembering some pretty worrisome interviews that Channing has done lately. Y’know, just those silly old ones where he labeled himself a high-functioning alcoholic and looked back fondly on a drunken night with Shia LaBeouf when he kicked in a store window. Those.

Doesn’t seem like the behavior of a particularly devoted husband or father, but I guess it’s possible to cut yourself a little slack when you think your only responsibility is changing diapers. All I’m saying is that for all your protestations, we’re gonna be keeping a pretty close eye on you in the upcoming months, Channing, so it’s time to step things up for Jenna and Everly!

(Photo: FayesVision / WENN.com)

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    • RoseAngelus

      eh they will be fine but could be bias cause i like them together.

      Are we starting to hate c tates now? started saying little snark his recent articles. did i lost the memo lol

      • Alexis Rhiannon

        Not hate, just be worried about! Any grown adult who brags about their alcohol intake sets off little red flags for me…but especially when they’re a parent.

      • RoseAngelus

        True.

    • gayle

      Divorce rumors are so common for celebrities why did they even bother responding? No one would be paying attention if they hadn’t said anything. It is Star magazine for crying out loud…now if People Magazine had gone rogue and insinuated something then sure respond, but a discount tabloid?

      • Alexis Rhiannon

        That’s the thing! Such a weird response.

      • MCR

        I think it was meant to point out how ridiculous tabloids are, rather than to deny the actual rumour. Unless she was trying to get ahead of the upcoming sasquatch-three-way scandal.

      • RoseAngelus

        People fans were asking them on twitter an facebook. Maybe they decided to tell them to calm down

    • Nbl

      When I try to dance I look like a cross between a middle aged white guy and a penguin. I do however, have some friends who are excellent dancers and do it professionally. They all know this chick and none of them like her. I don’t think I’ve met anyone who does. Granted this was many years ago when she was dating Timberlake so maybe motherhood and marriage has changed her.

      • Alexis Rhiannon

        Didn’t know she dated JT! That’s so weird! And what’s not to like about her? I really know nothing.

      • Nbl

        From what I’ve been told she was obsessed with being famous and used people in order to do that. I know that’s not necessary a bad thing and a lot of people do but there were whispers that she would do ANYTHING. It’s one of those situations where you don’t quite know if it’s all the way true or just a little bit, considering the sources and factoring in jealousy ( the dance world is very cut throat ). I’ll admit that I’m judging solely on my friends version but several others have said the same. There have been a few blind items but they’re also hard to credit. I think the reason I still see it that way is that she brings up her husband in every interview without being asked. I feel bad that I can’t think of it as just them being really in love, especially as you pointed out, charming potato head doesn’t seem that happy.

      • Alexis Rhiannon

        So interesting. I’ll have to keep my eyes open from now on.

    • Guest

      Potato head should have thought twice about marriage and a child considering he seems to enjoy that “high-functioning alcoholic” title