You guys, Lindsay Lohan just got cast in a West End production of David Mamet’s play Speed The Plow, and I don’t know where to even start with this other than OH MY GOD THERE IS NO WAY LINDSAY LOHAN CAN DO LIVE THEATER.
Since I obviously don’t have myself under control right now, I’m going to take a few deep breaths and try to give you the information that we have right now. This production would be directed by Lindsay Posner and going up for a limited engagement at London’s Playhouse Theatre, with performances beginning September 24th and running through November 30th. All of which we’re imagining that our little LiLo would be in attendance for!
Listen guys. I’m all for optimism, and I understand stunt-casting as well as the next person, but there’s no way this ends well. Just putting aside for the moment the fact that this would be Lindsay’s stage debut, which is a huge deal because it’s incredibly different form anything she’s ever done before, with repeat performances and line memorization and a live audience, and it’s Mamet! — the girl is never even gonna make it to the theater.
Lindsay couldn’t even be bothered to show up for the role of Lindsay Lohan in that Oprah docu-series, and that filmed AT HER ACTUAL APARTMENT. IN HER ACTUAL LIFE. What fantasy world are we living in that we think she’ll be able to roll herself out of bed for an 8:00 curtain five nights a week? Or even one night a week! The girl is chronically absent, and when she somehow isn’t absent, she’s chronically late. And even when she shows up on time, she wants to be rewarded by leaving early!
Basically what I’m saying is this is a mess, and whoever gets the role of her understudy is gonna be sitting pretty, getting to perform 90% of the shows. Might as well just call her an ‘overstudy’ at this point.