Happy birthday, Ariana Grande! This time last year, I was obsessed with you. Like – real obsessed, even though the only thing I really knew about her is that she was a Nickelodeon star and that her song ‘The Way’ was on permanent repeat in my brain.
And for the moment, that was enough information for me, because I seriously did not hate that song, nor have I hated any song she’s come out with since. In fact, I have loved them, because they are glorious and nothing will ever convince me otherwise. But unfortunately I don’t feel the same way about Ariana herself. If she just stuck to singing instead of talking, we’d be fine, but instead, she’s managed to completely change my mind about her from wholehearted supporter to grudging-listener-of-music-and-ignorer-of-comments. All in about twelve months.
Take a walk with me, won’t you, and let’s examine all the myriad ways that Ariana Grande has ruined her reputation since going mainstream.
1. By hiding secrets in her hair.
The girl was in a half ponytail for like…a century, and anytime anyone asked her about it, she was like ugh shut up it’s not a big deal get away from me. WHAT ARE YOU HIDING, GRANDE??
2. By agreeing to work on a track with Chris Brown.
I mean c’mon. Do I really even need to explain this one?
3. By bailing on said track with Chris Brown.
Did someone finally hand you a newspaper, girl? I’m glad that the collaboration is no longer happening, but it left a really bad taste in my mouth for Ariana to blame it all on her management team and pretend like she had no say in any of it.
4. By defending Justin Bieber.
“He can do whatever he wants! He’s doing the same thing as every other boy in the world right now, he’s just under a microscope, and he’s being scrutinized by people who don’t know him. I know him, and he’s a good person. He really is, he’s a nice person. And everybody’s like, ugh, it’s, nevermind, but, it’s, he’s a good guy and he doesn’t deserve what he’s going through.”
Okay…but it’s not super convincing if you can’t even get through your own defense of him without bailing out.
5. By joining Kabbalah.
Honestly didn’t even know that was a thing anymore, but Ariana dug it out of the old treasure chest and dusted it off for use. What’s next? Scientology? (Probably shouldn’t tempt fate by even asking that.)
6. By supposedly cheating on her boyfriend.
In case you noticed that Ariana’s relationship with Nathan Sykes overlapped slightly with her relationship with Jai Brooks, you weren’t the only one! Jai noticed that as well, and called Ariana out on it via Twitter.
7. By referring to milk as ‘cow tit pus’.
This was honestly one of the weirdest interviews I’ve ever read. I’m all for Ariana exploring healthy alternatives to mainstream foods, but just because she’s a vegan doesn’t mean everyone else has to be! And saying that Americans look like cows because they drink cow’s milk is definitely heading that direction.
8. By saying she never liked acting.
Well that’s a real shame, because it’s what made you famous! So don’t get all Robert Pattinson on us now and start biting the hand that fed you!
9. By potentially getting Sam & Cat taken off the air.
There’s no confirmation on why the show was cancelled, but a ton of rumors state that Ariana was getting paid more than her costar, Jennette McCurdy, and when Jennette refused to go forward without things being equal, Nickelodeon called her bluff and took the show off the air.
10. By insulting her own fan base.
I’m betting that Ariana’s fans, the Arianators, could have handled pretty much everything else on this list, until she turned on them. What happened was, Ariana tweeted a message wishing Marilyn Monroe a happy birthday, and some of Ariana’s fans pointed out that she’s not a great role model. And instead of letting that roll off her back, Ariana took her fans to task, calling them ‘assholes’ just because they don’t like the same things she does!
Not cool girl. Not cool. Can’t wait to see where we are in another twelve months!