• Wed, Jun 25 - 12:08 pm ET

Jill Duggar Says Her Husband Blows Her Like A Trumpet, Tragically Intends For It To Be A Compliment

Jill Duggar Derick Dillard Instagram SelfieIn news that makes me want to vom all over my keyboard, Jill Duggar opened up to her family People about what it’s like to finally kiss Derick Dillard. For those of you who haven’t followed this courtship from start to finish, you should know that Jill didn’t kiss Derick until their wedding day. Which is totally normal…if you’re raised by parents who claim “Jinger” is pronounced “Ginger” with a straight face. Otherwise it’s kind of an “OMG, holy shit” type of situation. Because you know, first kisses are awkward enough. But going from first kiss to first sex all in one day must be the worst. Especially if you’ve never seen a penis before. Lord knows they’re funny-looking! (No really, the Lord does know, being the penis’ creator and all.)

While I don’t want to get too deep into Duggar Fanfic, I have spent (too much?) time thinking about their first night together. And how many times Derick confused her belly button for her babyport.  As well as how many times throughout the night Jill looked up at the ceiling and thought to herself, “that’s it? IS THAT IT? AFTER ALL THESE YEARS LEADING UP TO THIS MOMENT, THAT’S REALLY IT? C’MON!” Sadly (fortunately?) Jill’s keeping these details to herself..for now. Instead she’s just gushing about Derick’s kissing skillz.

“I thought about it and decided to dip her,” the groom says. Was it worth the wait? “He’s a great kisser,” Jill gushes. “All his trumpet playing paid off!”

Record scratch. WHHHAAATTTT. I’ve never played a trumpet before in my life, but I have seen one played and I don’t think it involves the same mechanisms as kissing. Unless of course, Jill’s magically endowed with the ability to play musical notes out of her orifices when Derick attaches his mouth to hers. In that case, yes, all that trumpet playing did indeed pay off! And how lucky for Derek to get not only an incubator out of this marriage, but also an instrument. (Jim Bob clearly undersold her virginity.) Most of all, how lucky for Jill that she’s never kissed before and has no idea that her husband totally sucks at it.

(Photo: Instagram)

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  • capoupascap

    My half sis insists that her years of flute playing have made her a very good kisser (they use a lot of tongue!) her boyfriend confirms this so as weird as it sounds, I’m gonna believe Jill on this one.

  • M_G

    No comment on Derick’s kissing skills one way or the other. But I had to chuckle (in my usual cynical tone….my only tone, basically) when Jill says, “He’s a great kisser!” Like, better than your hand? Your pillow? You have no basis of comparison here!!

    • Jenni

      Ha, exactly! She has no idea! Her lips are just so excited to finally get some.

  • Lackadaisical

    Is the trumpet one of those brass instruments where you blow like you are blowing raspberries? If so someone needs to sit them down with some rom com’s with a lot of kissing before they even think about trying to work up to sex.

    • Alexis Rhiannon

      He gives my mouth the most delicious raspberries!

    • LadyClodia the Modest Rat

      Yeah, and I used to play trumpet and then baritone (like a small tuba) and I can’t for the life of me imagine how it would help with kissing. Unless you practiced making out with your mouth piece a lot I guess, but that’s definitely not the same as playing.

  • Lena

    That trumpet line is funny, but not as funny as the, “I’ll know you’re going to propose when I see a bulge in you pants!”

    Oh, Jill. At least she found someone as dopey as she is. Those two are clearly perfect for each other.

    • Jenni

      I do actually think they’re a cute couple, in their weird Duggar way. Jessa and Ben on the other hand…

    • Alexis Rhiannon

      Hey Jenni, did you want me to etch this comment in a stone for you?

    • Jenni

      If you etch me one more thing in stone, I’m going to fire you. CC @HR

    • Alexis Rhiannon

      They were like…the first people ever on Twitter. Can’t believe they got that handle.

  • FemelleChevalier

    Well… On one hand, my first thought is that he’s doing something akin to giving a CPR when they kiss.

    On the other hand, the facial muscle responsible for the pursing of the lips is dubbed as the “kissing muscle”. So, there’s actual science-y proof that it IS possible that those who plays brass instruments are potentially good kissers.

  • LadyClodia the Modest Rat

    I guess it’s good that it’s working for her. But as a former trumpet and baritone player I can’t imagine how that would be beneficial for kissing, like at all.

  • Valerie

    Jenni, real quick, if you are visiting the ‘Cuse any time in the next year, let’s bathe our brains in bleach together. Thx!

  • wispy

    I too have thought way too much about this. I just cannot imagine if they actually had sex on their wedding night. How you can go from nothing to first kiss to first sex in a matter of hours is beyond my comprehension. It sounds so so traumatic to me.

    • Lisa Menaster

      People who sleep together on their first date go from first kiss to first sex in a matter of hours.

    • Alexis Rhiannon

      But they’re not married afterward, so they have plenty of time to recover if it turns out to be a total mistake.

    • wispy

      But my guess would be that was not the first kiss and first sex of their life. Just a guess.

  • jjhjy

    Is it bad that I really want to read duggar fanfic? Where can it be found lol?

  • Pingback: Jessa Duggar On Date With Ben Seewald And Younger Siblings

  • Anonymon

    It wouldn’t surprise me if he WAS a good kisser, but not because he played the trumpet, but because he’s… oh I don’t know… kissed a girl before! Jill is not Derrick’s first, and if you pay attention, most of the articles say THEIR first kiss, or THE BRIDES first kiss. I would be willing to bed Derrick got to third base with some girl in college before.

  • 2Well

    As a former band geek, this has merit. Although, I found that the low brass guys were the best, at least the ones good at their instrument.

  • Alexis Rhiannon

    WHERE DID YOU GET THAT PICTURE OF ME KISSING MY BETROTHED.

  • Jenni

    IT’S ALL OVER THE INTERNET. YOU SHOULD TALK TO YOUR BOYFRIEND, BECAUSE HE IS SHARING THIS SHIT

  • Alexis Rhiannon

    tbh i’m so mad at him rn.