Adam Levine is probably in the top five on my list of celebrity men I most associate with the word “douchebag.” He’s just so incredibly good at being one, and he’s been referred to as such so many times that it’s the premise behind an interview for the July GQ magazine in which he tries to make sense of the label and defend himself against it. The only problem is he really has nothing to back up his non-douche argument, so he kind of just gives up.
First he ponders what a douchebag really is, which coincidentally is the exact type of thing a douchebag would do (crazy, right?), then gives this response:
“Would it be really easy to assume that I was a douchebag?” he says. “Definitely. One hundred percent. But that doesn’t mean that I am.” He thinks for a minute. “Or maybe I am, I don’t know.”
I imagine that moment of thinking involved racking his brain for any example — any at all — of why he’s not a douche, but all he came up with was tumbleweeds and dust. But that’s not all. He’s really ready to look deep within himself to find out the answer.
“So I’m gonna get really intricately self-reflective right now and ask myself the hard questions, to find out, once and for all, definitively, whether or not I’m a douchebag.”
Fortunately all he has to do to figure out the answer is yes is to read the rest of the interview, in which he digs himself deeper and deeper into the douche hole (a phrase I regretted immediately after typing it). Take, for instance, when he tells the interviewer what to open the article with:
“Your opening line can be: ‘You don’t have to like me, but I’d prefer it if you did.’”
That’s not the article’s opening line, but it is pretty much the title: “Adam Levine Doesn’t Care If You Like Him (But He’d Really Prefer That You Did).” And he goes beyond preferring that we like him to actually knowing it would be true. And not just like, but love:
“That’s kind of how I feel. I’m not the easiest person to love right off the bat, you know. If I knew everyone in the world, they would love me. Every single last fucking one of them.”
Nope. I don’t think that’s correct. If you need any more evidence, refer to the rest of the article, in which he, among other things, all but compares his preference for dating models to a foot fetish. “You know what I’m saying, man,” he adds. Do we, though?
(Photo: Tony Kelly/GQ)