Ed Sheeran Confirms That There’s A Middle-Aged Lady Trapped Inside Taylor Swift

taylor swift 22 music video wearing glasses eating

While we’ve know for approximately forever that Taylor Swift behaves like a hip grandmother with a killer body, we’ve never quite known why. That is, until now. In an interview with Time, her we-are-just-friends-tee-hee-hee boyfriend Ed Sheeran opens up and shares her scandalous secret. And ooooo boy, lemme tell you, you’re going to be shocked. Okay, not shocked — more like relieved that you finally could put your finger on what made her so different.

“I know she’s 24 but she’s a sort of middle-aged woman trapped in a 24-year-old’s body. She hangs out with her cat and sews things.”

Crazy, right! Here you were this whole time thinking that there was a Michael’s craft store scrapbookin’ class trapped in her body when it was really a middle-aged lady! This still doesn’t explain why she bleeds glitter, pees doilies and farts out crocheted throw pillows, but it gets us closer to understanding why Taylor Swift is Taylor Swift. Also why she dances like your mom at award shows.

The question now is do we let the middle-aged lady out and if so, what do we do with her? Keep her? Free her? Stuff her inside of Miley Cyrus and see what happens? Feed her to Meredith and Olivia Benson? Name her something old-timey like Edith of Rhode Island and make fun of her when she says middle-aged things like Tweeter? It’s a big question with no clear answer. So I suppose for the time being, we can just keep her trapped up in there and let her and Taylor go on their merry sewing, crocheting cat-collecting way. After all, I don’t even know how Edith of Rhode Island got stuck in there, let alone how to get her out.

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    • Alana Vincenza

      My vote is for sticking Edith of Rhode Island into Miley and letting her loose in the wild just to see what happens.

    • urghhhhhh her again

      hot body?? rofl shes too skinny whats wrong with your eyes?! like have you seen her?! her shoulders stick out and she has absolutely no boobs, and her face looks like a skeleton. wonder how she gets so many guys, but then obviously it must be because of her richness

      • Alexis Rhiannon

        I think she’s beautiful!

      • not beautiful

        i wont reply to sarcastic comments, but shes not. shes an indecent person who flashes her legs at every opportunity and wears shorts just for the paps to talk about her legs, because she has nothing better to show. im sure she wears push ups at every award show, and her face only looks semi-presentable because of the tons of makeup she put on. shes not a healthy role model because shes too skinny, we need more fat amys and mindys not hoes like her who show being anorexic is beautiful. also, the writer of this article agrees with me on one point that all she has is a body dumb girls think is beautiful, i remember that post about her saying that taylor swift’s body is more impressive than her music, because a sewer rat is more impressive than her music.

      • Alexis Rhiannon

        Jim Bob Duggar, who gave you an internet connection?

      • not jim bobn duggar

        fuck you and you all hate her too why are you defending her shes setting feminism back. and the music industry too if you ask me

      • Alexis Rhiannon

        Ain’t no such thing as setting feminism back. It’s an inexorable movement toward equality, and a big part of it is women being able to express themselves exactly how they want.

      • Pissed

        I’m not even commenting anymore you all don’t understand she sends an unhealthy message we don’t need people like her shoving their ideal beauty down our throats out with the old and in with the differently beautiful. Never coming back to this godawful site again. Fucking retards fake feminists

      • Alexis Rhiannon

        Whew! I was so worried you’d leave without invalidating your point by resorting to inappropriate language and insults!

      • Elizabeth Aspen

        No one asked you, and I guess you’re NOT setting feminism back by verbally attacking women. Lord.

      • Jenni

        Well when you put it that way Urghhhh Her Again, I can’t help but agree with you that she’s a monster. AN UGLY DISFIGURED TROLL OF A HUMAN. EVERYONE SHIELD YOUR EYES!

      • jo

        Would you be making negative comments about her weight if she was overweight? She is who she is

      • Elizabeth Aspen

        Pretty sure this person calling him/herself (I’m guessing HER) is overweight herself and taking it out on Taylor for being gorgeous.

      • Elizabeth Aspen

        It’s pretty easy to see why YOU can’t get anyone hot if you have to project your own body issues and self-hatred onto Taylor Swift. Sad.

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