Today Is The Day Jill Duggar Experiences Her First Kiss Without Being Condemned To Hell

Well here’s hoping it’s not too late for Jill Duggar and her fiance, Derick Dillard, to atone for their sin of engaging in full-frontal huggery before marriage, because today is The Big Day. No, it’s not just their wedding day.  Today is the day that Jill Duggar’s lips will meet the lips of a man not named Jim Bob for the first time.  Since Jesus looks down on those of us who engaged in such brazen acts of wanton behavior at the age of fourteen (or, in laymen’s terms, regular ol’ sluts like you and me), today marks a righteous and heavenly milestone in Jill Duggar’s life.

That’s all well and good, but my main concern right now is for Jim Bob Duggar‘s mental state. Sure, he’s already lost one member of his Christian army child to marriage, but Josh Duggar is not a precious daughter with locks of wavy hair that flow as long and pure as a floor-length denim skirt.  This is different, you guys.  He already suffered something akin to a breakdown at Jill and Derick’s rehearsal dinner yesterday.

“I’ve been crying half the day, so I’m making jokes to keep from crying.”

Okay, so at first thought it doesn’t seem like anything that different from any other parent might say during such an emotionally heightened time.  But this is James Robert Duggar we’re talking about here.  We all know how he feels about women, specifically the tens of thousands ones who share his blood and bed. Something tells me once he sees his beloved daughter Jill pucker up and place her virginal lips onto another man, he’s going to totally lose his shit.  He’ll probably accompany them all the way to the marriage bed.

And, since the Duggars are now hip to Twitter/Instagram/People magazine interviews, we’ll probably have front row seats.  So let’s raise a glass to the Duggar-Dillards and to Jim Bob’s perfectly-coifed, sideburn-less hairs falling slightly out of place.  But the glasses better be full of whole milk or grape juice, capisce?  Because alcohol + dancing = one way ticket to Satan’s lair.

You can reach this post's author, Cassandra Hough, on twitter.
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    • Miranda

      Derricks no where near as conservative as the duggar’s.

    • Valerie

      This post is awesome. And did you see the heathen sleeveless dress she wore for the wedding? I feel like Satan is cackling as I type.

      • Colleen

        Woooo….i must google this!

      • Valerie

        She actually looks beautiful. I hope she’s really happy, even though I don’t understand their way of doing things.

      • Cassandra Hough

        I was surprised by how modern/pretty her dress was! Of course the cap sleeve is a bit scandalous for the Duggars, but it was compensated by the borderline suffocating neckline. She looked very pretty, though. Truly.

      • Strawberry Cher

        Hater will only make them stronger … Please do continue.. ( may the Lord be with you Jill and Derrick)

      • M_G

        If you define hate as someone critiquing a wedding dress’s neckline while saying the bride truly looked very pretty, either you have no idea what “hate” means, or you’re far too sensitive.

      • Jeff Cigar

        If you are a female then why are you sing a picture of the man that knocked you up and your child? As a parent, don’t you know the dangers of using your child’s picture on the web? Are you that dumb and Canadian?

      • Strawberry Cher

        Im sorry to all .I didnt mean to. call all of you haters .. I see their are lot of nice postes about Jill and Derrick.. I was refering to people That do not like the Duggars.Im so sorry If i offened. any one.

    • Hana

      Did he for real say that? I cannot wait for Jill’s Wedding Special to hit TLC. Maybe Josh will sing again lolol

    • Mary

      They don’t think they are going to go to hell if they kiss before they are married. They just don’t think it’s a great idea, so they chose not to do so.

    • Sara

      Shame on for making fun of the Duggers and not respecting their beliefs. First off, they don’t believe their going to hell for engaging in physical activities. They just simply choose to wait till after marriage. Who are you to belittle them with sarcasm and obviously your no morals point of view. Just because you feel ok with whoring yourself around doesn’t mean a family with solid morals and self control is weird or strange. I myself don’t believe the same as them, but good for them for holding on to their beliefs in a world consumed by sex, porn, no morals, and anything goes! must have serious guilt issues and maybe should address those first before writing another article.

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