Well here’s hoping it’s not too late for Jill Duggar and her fiance, Derick Dillard, to atone for their sin of engaging in full-frontal huggery before marriage, because today is The Big Day. No, it’s not just their wedding day. Â Today is the day that Jill Duggar’s lips will meet the lips of a man not named Jim Bob for the first time. Â Since Jesus looks down on those of us who engaged in such brazen acts of wanton behavior at the age of fourteen (or, in laymen’s terms, regular ol’ sluts like you and me), today marks a righteous and heavenly milestone in Jill Duggar’s life.
That’s all well and good, but my main concern right now is for Jim Bob Duggar‘s mental state. Sure, he’s already lost one
member of his Christian army child to marriage, but Josh Duggar is not a preciousÂ daughter with locks of wavy hair that flow as long and pure as a floor-length denim skirt. Â This is different, you guys. Â He already suffered something akin to a breakdown at Jill and Derick’s rehearsal dinner yesterday.
“I’ve been crying half the day, so I’m making jokes to keep from crying.”
Okay, so at first thought it doesn’t seem like anything that different from any other parent might say during such an emotionally heightened time. Â But this is James Robert Duggar we’re talking about here. Â We all know how he feels about women, specifically the
tens of thousands ones who share his blood and bed. Something tells me once he sees his beloved daughter Jill pucker up and place her virginal lips onto another man, he’s going to totally lose his shit. Â He’ll probably accompany them all the way to the marriage bed.
And, since the Duggars are now hip to Twitter/Instagram/People magazine interviews, we’ll probably have front row seats. Â So let’s raise a glass to the Duggar-Dillards and to Jim Bob’s perfectly-coifed, sideburn-less hairs falling slightly out of place. Â But the glasses better be full of whole milk or grape juice, capisce? Â Because alcohol + dancing = one way ticket to Satan’s lair.