Justin Bieber May Have Gotten Two Women Pregnant, What An Accomplished Young Man

Justin Bieber pouting GIF

(via)

That Justin Bieber is such an overachiever. He really is determined to cross every stupid decision imaginable off his bucket list, and at just 20 years old he’s on quite a roll. According to this new report from In Touch, he may have even already crossed off “Get multiple women pregnant.” And thanks to his blindly devoted team of loyal followers, he allegedly managed to cover it up.

There was already a rumor that Bieber had gotten his on-again-off-again-please-just-pick-one-already-before-my-head-explodes girlfriend Selena Gomez pregnant three years ago. That pregnancy allegedly ended in a miscarriage. Selena’s reps denied it, of course. But in the last four years, Bieber has reportedly got two other women pregnant. As In Touch‘s anonymous source explains, “He just expects his team to handle it.” Well I can’t argue with you there, Mr/Miss/Mrs/Ms Source. I’m pretty sure his team has to flush the toilet for him after he uses it. Hahaha, I’m just kidding. He doesn’t use toilets.

Someone else whom In Touch refers to as “a source” — not clear whether it’s the same one, or if he/she even exists — describes the situation as “horrible.” Then another source (Do you think they all know each other?) says the women’s claims that Bieber was the father were “dealt with.” Apparently if it turns out their accusations are true, the women are “taken care of financially,” but they never come into contact with Bieber again. So the next time you see a little kid, remember that it could be the spawn of Bieber. Have fun with that nightmare!

Of course, this comes from In Touch, who I’m fairly sure has broken the news of at least 600 Jennifer Aniston pregnancies, approximately zero of which turned out to be real. So we should obviously take this rumor with a grain of salt. Still, I wouldn’t be surprised if Bieber were on some kind of mission to bring his song “Baby” to life, fathering one baby for every time he uses that word in the song. In that case, we should be very afraid. He says that word a lot.

You can reach this post's author, Jill O’Rourke, on twitter.
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    • Alexis Rhiannon

      “I’m pretty sure his team has to flush the toilet for him after he uses it. Hahaha, I’m just kidding. He doesn’t use toilets.”

      ICE COLD. I love it.

    • CrayCraypeople

      Surely he can afford condoms. lol

      • Wow

        with an ego like his, i can assure you he wouldn’t consider wearing one

    • Lily Savage

      Holding back vom rana.

      • Jill O’Rourke

        That’s my permanent state when it comes to the Biebs.

    • Papillon

      That moment when a person has such an extensive history of douchebaggery that more douchebaggery only incites a “please do humanity a huge favour and disappear”

      • rasheed

        Shutup internet thug!!!!!

      • M_G

        …..”internet thug”? Really?

      • fantasymother

        Last evening I watched, for the thousandth time, On the Waterfront. I’m now picturing all of us in jackets and knit caps, carrying cargo hooks while we all thug around the neighborhood looking for Bieber.

      • M_G

        Hahahahaha!!! Perfect!

      • Nbl

        Every time I hear “waterfront” I break out with the “I could have been a contender” speech. It’s sad how many people don’t get it.

      • fantasymother

        Instead of a bum, which is what I am.

        Love it!

      • Nbl

        Mmmmmm young Marlon Brando. Such a hottie. Until he turned into a more eloquent speaking Jabba the Hut.

    • fantasymother

      And here I was, swearing off commenting about this twerp, when he raises the stakes and threatens us with progeny.

      Apparently his condom-applier had the day off.

      Oh, the humanity!

      • Alexis Rhiannon

        This is why Scooter needs to work weekends.

      • fantasymother

        Now I need brain bleach. Not your fault, I started it.

      • Alexis Rhiannon

        Hahaha thank you for taking responsibility.

    • Dani

      Oh dear sweet goodness, that’s all we need: mini-Belibers. I guess we can take comfort in the fact that Justin is having nothing to do with raising his kids. Maybe they’ll have a shot after all.

    • Myndee

      Anyone remember the first woman to accuse Bieber of getting her pregnant? Then she suddenly disappeared? Wasn’t there a woman overseas who has a child who looks creepily like a Bieber spawn?

    • rasheed

      Lol does anyone even believe this shit ? -_-

      • noodlestein

        Let me let you in on a little secrect, belieber. Your hero LITERALLY doesn’t know you exist. If you died right now, it wouldn’t matter to him at all. You’re wasting your time trolling sites to defend him. You need to, you know, get a hobby or something.

    • Napoleon

      Bieber’s downfall is inevitable. It shall be glorious.

      • TJ

        I really enjoy that this comment comes from “Napoleon”.