You needed a little downer in your day, right? I think that’s what I overheard you saying just now over by the office watercooler, yes? Well here it is, the form of video proof that Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez are indeed back together. (Cue the chorus of sighs.)
There were already a ton of warning signs across the internet that this calamity had taken place YET AGAIN, but we didn’t want to believe it. We saw the the Instagram photo that Justin posted of the two of them with a caption saying their love was unconditional, because we were holding out hope that since he deleted it, they’d already broken up again. Even when Taylor Swift was giving up on Selena because she’s her own worst enemy, we still had our fingers crossed that this was all a vicious rumor, designed to ruin our day.
But it wasn’t. And now we have proof. And not just any proof — video proof. It comes from the Instagram account of Khalil, a friend of Justin’s with whom he once shared a teat (aka very good friends) and it shows the two of them hanging out and dancing at the birthday party of someone named Alfredo Flores. Selena is the one in the white dress standing next to Justin. (We know it’s him because he’s wearing sunglasses at night like some kind of idiot.)
SELENA. C’mon girl! Isn’t that the guy who made your metaphorical hymen seal back up in a combination of disgust and religious fervor? Isn’t he why you set fire to your own Instagram, creating the verb ‘to Gomez’ to describe that thing where you inexplicably unfollow everyone in your feed?
All that and you’re really just gonna dance next to him like it’s NBD? I’m surprised at you girl…just not that surprised. I’ll be napping on the veranda, so just call me when you guys break up again. Try to give me at least fifteen minutes, if you don’t mind.