The Most Rewarding Thing In Ariana Grande’s Life Is Putting Her Hair In A Ponytail

Ariana Grande flipping ponytail GIF red hairTo anyone who says that Ariana Grande isn’t an intelligent, multifaceted human being with a layered personality, I’d like you to note that she has rewarding things in her life. There are things that give her a great sense of emotional accomplishment, and one of them is putting her hair in a ponytail.

In light of her recent bizarre statements about everything from why she doesn’t drink milk (read: because it’s pus from ‘cow tits’) to calling her fans assholes because they aren’t as into Marilyn Monroe as she is herself, we were really looking for some sign of depth from Ariana. And finally, finally, it’s here. 

ARE YOU NOT AMAZED. Look at the emotional subtlety present here! Just like us, Ariana struggles with adversity, like having to wear her hair down for literally one day, and just like us, she finds relief and fulfillment in activities like putting her hair back up in a pony. To the point that she could shed actual tears over it. Aren’t you embarrassed now for thinking she was a one-dimensional song hole?

Honestly, it really makes me want to get on the phone with my state senator and get this girl a holiday, y’know? Too many people have been oppressed for too long by the weight of their hair hanging down from their heads. Too many of us have been forced to wear a half-pony for years at a time because we had no other places to store our secrets. Too many have fallen victim to hair crimes for us to refuse to take this seriously any longer.

So Arianators, to me! This girl has given voice to a pervasive problem in our society, and I refuse to let you call her simple-minded anymore! TODAY. WE FIGHT. FOR EXTENSIONS. CHAAAAAAAAAAAARGE.

(Image: pandawhale)

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    • Yeah

      hahahahah. This article is perfect.

      • Alexis Rhiannon

        Thank you! I’m so glad you enjoyed!

    • Isabel

      Oh get over yourselves!! Can’t the girl tweet one thing without y’all inspecting every aspect of it?? Jeez.

      • Alexis Rhiannon

        Not if it’s dumb.

      • Frances “Librle” Locke

        Get over your ass.

      • Susana


    • Emma

      It’s not dumb. It feels good for her to put her hair up and she wanted to say something. What’s wrong with that? She’s not saying she has harder problems than anyone else. No need to blow it out of proportion. To be honest this is a pretty bitchy article but it makes me laugh because guess what. She’s making A LOT of money and has tons of fans. What do you have? Your just insulting her through some dumb article a very small amount if people ( including myself ) will read. Litterally laughing my ass off get a life.

      • Cale

        R.I.P. English.

    • Anna

      Your the worst writer on this site you just bash on these poor women who have done absolutely nothing to you. You really are a mean spirited person. It’s probably just jealousy though…

      • Alexis Rhiannon


    • Emily S.

      It’s so funny how you only respond to comments when you have something “clever” to say (or you’re being complimented. Lord knows why anyone would do that.) You truly are awful. All you do is put down women ( or just people in general ). You’re mean and judgemental…. It saddens me to know there are people like you in the world…..

    • Grace

      I hate you with a burning passion

    • Ella

      Rot in hell

      • Alexis Rhiannon

        Commenting on this one quite a bit, aren’t you?

      • ella

        I commented once……. My friends and I all really like Ariana so obviously when Emily showed us this we all felt the need to comment….. I’m guessing you don’t know much about friends though lmao.

      • Alexis Rhiannon

        What is a friend?

      • Emily S.

        Aww sweety you’ll make one someday