To anyone who says that Ariana Grande isn’t an intelligent, multifaceted human being with a layered personality, I’d like you to note that she has rewarding things in her life. There are things that give her a great sense of emotional accomplishment, and one of them is putting her hair in a ponytail.In light of her recent bizarre statements about everything from why she doesn’t drink milk (read: because it’s pus from ‘cow tits’) to calling her fans assholes because they aren’t as into Marilyn Monroe as she is herself, we were really looking for some sign of depth from Ariana. And finally, finally, it’s here.
putting my hair back in a pony after wearing it down straight for literally one day is so rewarding i could cry lol
— Ariana Grande (@ArianaGrande) June 17, 2014
ARE YOU NOT AMAZED. Look at the emotional subtlety present here! Just like us, Ariana struggles with adversity, like having to wear her hair down for literally one day, and just like us, she finds relief and fulfillment in activities like putting her hair back up in a pony. To the point that she could shed actual tears over it. Aren’t you embarrassed now for thinking she was a one-dimensional song hole?
Honestly, it really makes me want to get on the phone with my state senator and get this girl a holiday, y’know? Too many people have been oppressed for too long by the weight of their hair hanging down from their heads. Too many of us have been forced to wear a half-pony for years at a time because we had no other places to store our secrets. Too many have fallen victim to hair crimes for us to refuse to take this seriously any longer.
So Arianators, to me! This girl has given voice to a pervasive problem in our society, and I refuse to let you call her simple-minded anymore! TODAY. WE FIGHT. FOR EXTENSIONS. CHAAAAAAAAAAAARGE.