Last night Kendall Jenner and Kylie Jenner hosted the 2014 MuchMusic Video Awards in Canada. That’s right, Kendall “Worst Reader” Jenner hosted an award show. Since it was a very special occasion, Kendall chose a very special outfit to wear on the red carpet. When I heard that her dress was scandalous, I eagerly opened the photo, and as it loaded from the top down, I wondered what could be so daring about it. Then I got to her very visible hip bones and understood. She’s wearing a glorified mud flap.
The dress, by Fausto Puglisi, has slits so high Angelina Jolie’s right leg scrolled through the pictures this morning with mouth agape. Don’t ask me how her leg has a mouth, let alone an agape one. I think it just grew one for this particular occasion. I barely even knew those parts of the human leg existed. In fact, the last time I remember seeing them was on Miley Cyrus. Except her hip bone flashing was thanks to an especially revealing leotard, which didn’t run the risk of showing her lady parts at the slightest gust of wind.
I was schooled in the wondrous world of complicated underwear when I suggested Jennifer Lawrence had gone commando after the Oscars earlier this year, so I won’t jump to conclusions and say Kendall has nothing on under there. But that doesn’t mean I’m any less tempted to spray paint Yosemite Sam onto that flap of fabric. Or to just tie a sweatshirt around her waist.
At first glance Kylie’s dress looked much less revealing, although rather ice skaterish. But then I noticed the sheer cutouts. The one over her cleavage is sure to get most of the attention, but let’s not forget the ones over her own hips, which are like the training bra versions of Kendall’s slits. One day Kris Jenner will send Kylie out the door in her own mud flap dress, and she’ll wipe away a single tear at the thought that people will be wondering where her daughter’s underwear is. They grow up so fast.