Word on the street is that there’s a Father of the Bride trequel in the works. Which is great news for me, because I’ve been very stressed that Hollywood was staying up all night and worrying themselves sick trying to come up with new ideas. But it turns out that they’re just googling “hit ’90s movies” and seeing which ones could use a follow-up. Such as Father of the Bride. A movie that premiered in 1951, got remade in 1991 and got a sequel in 1995. Yep, according to Hollywood protocol, this movie’s ready for a trequel.
And yes, I know what you’re thinking — “didn’t they cover everything and wrap it up nicely in the sequel? What more is there possibly left to talk about?” Um, how about Matty. You know Matty right. Maybe. No? Okay, picture Macaulay Culkin. Now picture him with brown hair. Now brain squint really hard with that image in your head. If you did it right you should be seeing this guy, Kieran Culkin.
He played the adorable little brother in both movies who did zany things like a drive a car! And make faces at his mentally unstable father! And generally just serve as Steve Martin’s not-favorite child. Well after being shunned in the past two movies, Matty’s finally getting some attention. According to Digital Spy, the third movie will be alllllll about him. And his fiance. Who happens to be a man. Let the homophobic jokes begin!
Matty apparently reveals that he is to marry the son of a US Navy Seal in the film, leading to Banks being “thunderstruck and speechless”.
Okay, okay maybe I’m getting ahead of myself. Maybe “thunderstuck and speechless” doesn’t imply hilarious homophobic humor. Maybe the George Banks of 2014 is just thunderstuck and speechless that he has a son. After all, he’s probably so busy (still) mourning his daughter’s marriage as well as his wife’s miracle-menopause baby that he forgot about Matty. And now his son not only wants to be recognized as his child, but he also wants a wedding. Enter Franc! (Or Franc’s son, since Franc probably retired many years ago.) And enter the lawn swans! And enter Diane Keaton in cashmere sweaters just going with the flow while her husband loses his mind.