The Father Of The Bride Trequel Is Hollywood’s Way Of Telling Us They’re Not Even Trying Anymore

steve martin george banks nina banks diane keaton father of the bride wedding

Word on the street is that there’s a Father of the Bride trequel in the works. Which is great news for me, because I’ve been very stressed that Hollywood was staying up all night and worrying themselves sick trying to come up with new ideas. But it turns out that they’re just googling “hit ’90s movies” and seeing which ones could use a follow-up. Such as Father of the Bride. A movie that premiered in 1951, got remade in 1991 and got a sequel in 1995. Yep, according to Hollywood protocol, this movie’s ready for a trequel.

And yes, I know what you’re thinking — “didn’t they cover everything and wrap it up nicely in the sequel? What more is there possibly left to talk about?” Um, how about Matty. You know Matty right. Maybe. No? Okay, picture Macaulay Culkin. Now picture him with brown hair. Now brain squint really hard with that image in your head. If you did it right you should be seeing this guy, Kieran Culkin.

Matty Kieran Culkin Father of the Bride

He played the adorable little brother in both movies who did zany things like a drive a car! And make faces at his mentally unstable father! And generally just serve as Steve Martin’s not-favorite child. Well after being shunned in the past two movies, Matty’s finally getting some attention. According to Digital Spy, the third movie will be alllllll about him. And his fiance. Who happens to be a man. Let the homophobic jokes begin!

Matty apparently reveals that he is to marry the son of a US Navy Seal in the film, leading to Banks being “thunderstruck and speechless”.

Okay, okay maybe I’m getting ahead of myself. Maybe “thunderstuck and speechless” doesn’t imply hilarious homophobic humor. Maybe the George Banks of 2014 is just thunderstuck and speechless that he has a son. After all, he’s probably so busy (still) mourning his daughter’s marriage as well as his wife’s miracle-menopause baby that he forgot about Matty. And now his son not only wants to be recognized as his child, but he also wants a wedding. Enter Franc! (Or Franc’s son, since Franc probably retired many years ago.) And enter the lawn swans! And enter Diane Keaton in cashmere sweaters just going with the flow while her husband loses his mind.

(Photo: SharmaSushmita)

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    • Alana Vincenza

      There will be soooo much homophobic humor and I’m not looking forward to any of it one bit.

      • Jenni

        I know, I can see all it all now. I’m picturing Jay and Mitch from Modern Family but for 2.5 hours.

      • C

        The title says it all, doesn’t it? If they stick with it (they totaaallly will), they’ll be plenty of “is my son the bride, or is he the groom?!” freak out. Because LOL two boys getting married- which one is the girl/bride/wife?! Ugh.

      • C

        there’ll *

      • Jenni

        Ugh, you’re so right. And Nina Banks will be like “there, there George, things are different now. Take a deep breath.”

      • C

        Weird how Steve Martin keeps playing dads I would hate to have, with wives who have me constantly wondering “why wouldn’t you leave him?!”. I feel like this story could easily be done in the Cheaper by the Dozen universe, too. That Dad would be weird about it, and out of 12 kids- atleast one of ‘ems gonna be gay.

      • Jenni

        I rewatched that movie recently (no judgement) and was so annoyed with how selfish Steve was in it. And how incompetent! But their house was amazing…so there’s that.

      • C

        So did I, actually! The first&second were on TV one day, and I had nothing better to do apparently, so I re-watched them (hadn’t seen them since the sequel came out and I watched both then, I remembered liking them) and I could. not. stand. him. People like that (or really any people, tbh) should not have 12 kids (or any? if they are going to be all about themselves). &Yes, beautiful house :P. Very jealous of that. I also found myself thinking that Tom Welling and Hilary Duff should be playing lovers and not siblings.. but I guess that’s a whole different thing 0_o .

      • Jenni

        Hilary Duff is soooo Duff in that movie. Also such a bad actress. I didn’t buy her transformation at allllll. (sign #109, this movie wasn’t made for me)

      • C

        ‘So Duff’, lmao. True.

    • capoupascap

      This sounds terrible, land hopefully will not get made. I refuse to believe Steve Martin and Diane Keaton are that hard up for money/desire for a movie role.

      • Jenni

        Steve Martin agreed to Cheaper by the Dozen 2, so you can’t count him out.

      • capoupascap

        Your right, I totally forgot about that movie. He is clearly in the just-get-that-paycheck portion of his career. IRetract that statement regarding him…..

      • Jenni

        And Diane is totally in because I don’t think there’s a difference between Nina Banks’ day-to-day life and Diane Keaton’s.

      • Isabelle

        Or maybe he think silly family movies are fun?

      • MCR

        It’s their covert effort to get people watch the 1951 film, realize what crap they’ve been watching at the cineplex for the past ten years, start buying classic film DVD’s and never look back.

    • Isabelle

      I think it’s sad how movies are not made the same way as before. We’ve become too concerned with making a quick buck and not putting effort into things.

    • Valerie

      I love this. That is all.

      • Jenni

        thank you so very much!

    • MCR

      They gave up trying some time ago, but it’s nice to have it officially confirmed.

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