Over the past several months, we’ve watched Taylor Swift and Selena Gomez’s beautiful best friendship crumble in front of our very eyes. First there was the tongue thing and then there was the whole cheating thing and now there’s the lost soul thing. Yeah, that’s right. According to sources, Taylor Swift’s written Selena Gomez off as a lost soul. Which is worse than being written off as a flake, but slightly better than being written off as a former Barney star. I think. Jury might still be out on that one.
“Taylor is completely baffled that Selena has yet again taken Justin back. She thinks that Selena is a lost soul and nothing will make her realize how bad Justin is until she no longer has a career. Taylor is convinced that this relationship has and will ruin her health and life but she is finished with trying to help, she feels like she has tried enough and it hasn’t worked.”
While we’re usually pretty skeptical about anonymous sources at NewYorkTimes.com/Crushable, we’re willing to trust this one. Mostly because everything Justin Bieber touches these days turns to shit. No really, the second Scooter Braun says Justin Bieber’s name, he instantly transforms into a diarrhea-clogged toilet. Basically he’s like a poor man’s King Midas. Or to put it more positively, a rich man’s food poisoning. Now that I think about it, Justin Bieber might be the closest thing we have to human salmonella. And sadly he’s infecting Selena Gomez, who seems to be on a downward spiral.
So for the first time ever, I will openly take Taylor Swift’s side and say that Selena Gomez is indeed a lost soul and that there’s nothing she can to help her. Except, maybe, and this is a big maybe, write a song about it. And by write a song, I obviously mean get the Biebs deported to Canada. After all, it’s 2014. Taylor Swift song jokes are out and Justin Bieber deportation petitions are in.