Robert Pattinson Is Back In Our Lives, And The First Thing He Wants To Talk About Is Erotic Spitting

Robert Pattinson Jimmy Kimmel June 2014

Friends, I’m a little (okay, a lot) worried about Robert Pattinson right now. I feel like he’s been out of our lives for so long it’s like he only existed in the stories of anonymous sources and reports speculating that he and Kristen Stewart are still in luuurve. But he’s still an actual person who exists, and his appearance last night on Jimmy Kimmel Live to promote his movie The Rover reminded me that he’s also a weird person. Very weird.

Jimmy mentions to Rob that the last time he was on the show he said he often lies for no reason, which Rob explains comes from “panic.” He seems pretty panicky in this interview, so I suppose nothing he says after that can be trusted as genuine, but that doesn’t make it any less WTF. Just how WTF, you ask? Rob decides this is the perfect time to mention that he has “heavy saliva,” so when he spits it doesn’t reach very far. Okay Rob, that’s very interesting. There should be a whole chapter about that in your autobiography, right after the section about why Twilight sucks. But what does this have to do with your lying habit?

Oh, apparently lying makes his saliva looser. Therefore he lies a lot, because he must just have a constant need to spit over long distances. During sex. Yes, the next thing he wants to talk about, again totally unprompted, is sexy spitting. He just asks Jimmy if he’s ever had anyone spit on him in an “erotic way,” and then he gets this dopey grin on his face while he waits for an answer. Can any of you Twihards out there explain to me what in Edward Cullen’s name is happening in this interview? Is he on something? Is he high on life? Is Kristen offstage controlling his every move via voodoo doll? HELP ME UNDERSTAND.

You can reach this post's author, Jill O’Rourke, on twitter.
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    • Alana Vincenza

      That clip was a weird wild ride from start to finish.

    • catherinemostly

      First, it seemed to me that Robert was a little high or drunk (which would be normal);
      and it didn’t seem to me like HE was in control of the interview – although it didn’t seem like Jimmy was driving, either. It was a stupid interview all the way around.

      Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart both take lots of hits from fans and anti-fans
      because they really seem to bomb interviews, sometimes. Robert especially can act like a goofball with nothing but vague responses about his personal life – but he can sure get into details about his professional life, can’t he? (Which most fans LOVE about him!)

      HE is as uncomfortable doing interviews as Kristen is because they have to be so
      careful about what they say in order to NOT ‘accidentally’ incite TwiRiots through their words that tabloids manage to twist around in mean ways for money. Turning into a big goofball is Robert’s very-natural tactic around that.

      If they had the FREEDOM to be HONEST about their personal lives without so much
      tabloid interference; I’m willing to bet that they would be more comfortable sharing bits & pieces of themselves with fans.

      • catherinemostly

        Oh yeah, it is NORMAL for a Taurus to be a goofball – they can’t take ANYTHING seriously (that you want them to); it’s infuriating for an Aries, LoL! The only way Rob & Kris’s relationship COULD have worked is if they spent lots of time both apart and together throughout the year. Just because they didn’t live on top of each other 24/7 all year long is the reason why *I* think they probably got along pretty well.

        No, I’m not hung up on Astrology signs – it’s just that the dynamic of Kris &
        Rob’s relationship has always reminded me of mine (except I can’t IMAGINE my
        ex-Taurus hubby being an actor, ha!). Not to mention, Kristen could just as well have been me when I was that age – minus the ‘famous’ part. I’ve heard other Aries’ chicks stick up for Kristen for the same reason on the boards. Yeah, alot of us (not just Aries’) can SO relate to her.

        We’re HOT and so damn WORTH the extra trouble. ;)

      • catherinemostly

        We don’t have to agree on any other thing than to be MAD at the tabloids and paparazzi.

        The petition does not call for changing any US laws, nor does it mess with ‘Freedom of Speech’. For that reason, anyone of any age or location around the world can sign it – it’s for all celebrities and it’s WORTH a TRY. The way Hollywood treats it’s celebrities is NOT a NEW topic of discussion. People everywhere have been fed up with the way they are treated for decades.

        SEARCH explaintwilightbreakingdawnending on blogspot to SIGN the PETITION for tabloid & paparazzi reform for ALL celebrities or brainstorm to figure out something else that WILL WORK. You’ll also find all the gory details on the stupid Twilight ‘cheating’ scandal finale – along with the history of The Twilight Saga and the unusual over-obsessions of Twilight & ANTI-Twilight Fans – especially older ones.

      • maggie

        pattinson wasn’t high or drunk just annoyed that Kimmel repeated what he asked last time already . I was stunned that Jim is nothing more than a wack

    • Get a clue

      Rob wasn’t high or drunk or anything else. Jimmy started off asking him very personal questions about where he was living and where all his personal belongings were. Anyone with a brain knows that the paps camp out wherever they think Rob is.

      So in order to change the subject, he said crazy things, things that weren’t going to tip off the paps to anything personal, and, that wouldn’t incite some crazy fans. He knows how to make a sound bite that will get people talking and get them out of his private life.

      Also, he went directly from there out to sign autographs for fans who were waiting at Kimmel’s, and all pics and video show him totally normal, not drunk or high. Then he went directly to the premiere where he did a lot of video interviews on the red carpet where he was also totally normal. Because they weren’t questioning him about private things he didn’t want to talk about.

      • Beware the obsessed

        The poster belong, Catherinemostly, is an obsessed Twilight fan who just can’t let it go. You notice this is about Rob but she makes it about herself and his ex co star, KStew.

        She’s really a KStew fan who has no problem trashing Rob, saying things like he was high or drunk, which a real fan would never do. She’s a pathological liar who thinks KStew was some little innocent who got taken advantage of by big, bad Rupert, instead of a grown woman who says the movie that turns her on is “Unfaithful,” a movie about a woman cheating on her husband.

        KStew told the world who she is, but Catherine refuses to see what’s right in front of her eyes. You notice she made THREE comments that really had nothing to do with Rob and all to do with herself. She needs to get a life.

    • honestly

      He seems really twitchy to me and strange….

    • Cam

      Rob doesn’t like talking about himself, and it makes him nervous to do these TV shows. He was charming and funny, and look who everyone is talking about today… he did his job, and perfectly. He created buzz, which was exactly what he was there for.

      The Rover is fantastic, and he’s a great actor. It’s nice to finally see him getting his due.

    • Nbl

      I don’t get his appeal.

      • maggie

        still ,you are here

      • Nbl

        And your point is……?

      • Nbl

        Also just a quick look at your post history, you posted in an article about The Fault in Our Stars saying you find Shaliene Woodley in appealing. You’re awfully quick to judge others for your same actions.

      • gaga

        ??????? whats your agenda if you find a person unappealing why the comment or why spend your precious time on that person …..thats just stupid and you are going into peoples comment history , you are a sick puppy

      • Nbl

        Maybe to learn something interesting that would help me understand his appeal? Maybe I’m just bored and like to have my opinion heard. As for someone’s post history. You click their name and it’s there. I didn’t spend hours researching it. I clicked because I wanted to see if they were a troll and worth my response. They statement I was referring to was the last comment she had made so it was right there. Go hump your twilight shrine.

    • maggie

      Why would Kimmel asks these awful question after Rob already made it clear he doesn’t want to talk about his private life . That was a stupid move Jimmy and so unprofessional. Rob even said in the beginning that he is really nervous so a good talks-how Host would had the Intelligence to realize that there were actual great things here they could have discussed . Kimmel is an idiot

    • Gemma

      Damn, he seems hella coked out…has the red face and everything.