When you’ve binge-watched Orange is the New Black and there are no episodes left to watch, what’s a fan to do? Get on with life and everyday activities and responsibilities? Meh, that’s okay, but I think a better option is to ask the cast members for sex via Instagram. Specifically Natasha Lyonne. And don’t think she doesn’t see your offers. In fact, she’ll even talk about them to Seth Meyers on Late Night and be very entertaining about it.
Natasha, whose real-life hair is much tamer than Nicky’s (I can’t tell if I’m relieved or weirdly disappointed about this), told Seth that she likes posting photos of things she’s interested in on Instagram, as you do. But no matter how innocent those photos are, even if it’s just an image of Buster Keaton riding a bicycle, the OITNB fans will creep out of the woodwork and change the subject completely. The subject they want to change it to is usually face-sitting. According to Natasha, that’s a very popular offer among her fans.
And it’s like, you could at least pretend what you’re saying has something to do with the photo you’re commenting on, lest you embarrass yourself. You gotta stay on topic or else you’ll look like a creeper. For example: “That bicycle Buster’s riding looks really comfortable. That reminds me, so is my face. You know, if you want to sit on it.” Seriously people, learn how to offer sex to your favorite celebrities. Instagram is the way of the sexual future. James Franco taught us that. So you best know how to use it if you want to get anywhere in life.