The finale of Game Of Thrones season four is this Sunday, so there’s a good chance that these are our final days with at least a few of the characters that we’ve grown to love or love to hate. After all, this show is zero percent sentimental about slaughtering people left and right, and they’re gonna wanna go out with a bang…or a squish…or whatever sound it makes when people die.
Something I’ve noticed in the past is that the characters I hate most tend to eventually get what’s coming to them (e.g. Viserys, Joffrey, Lysa, Craster, etc.), so I figured it couldn’t hurt to put together a list of the characters I’d like to go next, if it’s not too much trouble. In case anyone’s reading this and there’s still time to make some edits before Sunday at 10:00pm. (I’m optimistic.)
And just a note about reading this post — if you’ve read the books, please don’t post spoilers in the comments. I’ve read them myself, but I didn’t use any of that knowledge to construct this article. I just took the characters I currently hate most from the show and wrote up a little death wish list, if you will.
Let’s all try not to ruin this for each other.
1. Tyrion Lannister
I love Tyrion a whole bunch, and I really don’t want him to die, but based the rules they set out at that ‘trial’, he does technically deserve to.
2. Petyr Baelish
Anyone who causes problems just because no one expects him to needs to be taken out sooner rather than later. Littlefinger is purely a sociopath at this point, and he’s even got Sansa coming around to his way of doing things, which is terrifying.
3. Walder Frey
No big deal, he only ruined EVERYTHING with that Red Wedding bullshit. Not only did he take out a bunch of my favorite characters, but he made it impossible for me to sleep for weeks because I’d see Talisa’s horrific death every time I closed my eyes.
4. Cersei Lannister
Ever since Joffrey died, Cersei is even more of a loose cannon than before, which is saying a lot. But it’s really bad news when she’s turning on Jaime, her brother and the father of her children. (Blegh.)
I have no better reason for this other than the fact that I can’t stand the character, I can’t stand the actor, and I ain’t got time for ya lies under oath, girl.
6. Jon Snow
YOU CAN’T JUST WALK OUT INTO THE SNOW YOU IDIOT. WHAT ARE YOU DOING.
7. Jorah Mormont
In my day, if it came out that you’d been betraying your queen for literal years, you’d be a dead man. You getting soft, Daenerys?
Can’t stop won’t stop murdering kids and also has terrifying magic in her. Maybe we should deal with this sooner rather than later, no?
Who are your friends though, honestly? Anyone who doesn’t have allegiances needs to be dead before they mess with any of the other characters that I like. This is about me, so we gotta take out Varys and Littlefinger post-haste please!
10. Tywin Lannister
Do I really need to cite a more compelling argument than ‘can’t bring himself to love the only one of his children who’s not actively engaged in incest’? Because I can, I just want to know if I need to.
No. No no no no no no no no kill him kill him dead before he gets any more powerful than he already is.
12. Theon Greyjoy
…and if that’s not possible, can we at least put Theon out of his misery? The guy has lost everything at this point. Considering flaying and torture are two of the other options, killing him is the least we could do.
13. The Mountain
I mean, he kills pretty much every single person he comes across, so what are we really waiting for?
14. Mance Rayder
He’s attacking The Wall, the only thing keeping Westeros marginally safe from the white walkers and everything else evil hiding Beyond The Wall. COOL IT DUDE OR I’LL COOL IT FOR YOU.
What do you think of all that? Anyone to add? Take off? And just another friendly reminder that if you have any spoilers stored up in your brain, you better bite your tongue and keep them up there. Not that it matters, because it’s all pretty much Valar Morghulis anyway, but let’s not be dicks, y’know?