On the slight chance you’re just starting your internet rounds today, you should know that Netflix is rebooting The Magic School Bus series. Which means that Ms. Frizzle and her rag tag group of students are back. While I’m picturing it to look exactly like it did the first time around, I also have to take into consideration the fact that it’s now on Netflix. Which means that the students could all be grown up now and played by real, live human actors. Rather than going on zany field trips with their zany teacher, they’re reconnecting in a personal injury lawyer’s office. You know, because Ralphie’s bringing a class action lawsuit against the school for all those times Ms. Frizzle endangered their lives. Did I mention the reboot (in my head) is an action packed legal thriller. Also a heartfelt dramedy. Also Taken 3. That’s right, Ms. Frizzle takes (read: kidnaps) her grown students for one last adventure before the big day in court.
In honor of the reboot and in honor of Ms. Frizzle’s blatant disregard for her students’ safety, I wanted to countdown all the times I’m pretty sure she should’ve been fired. Which also happens to the be the time the kids should’ve been sent to a therapist to understand exactly what happened to them. And yes this list is much shorter than it should be because I’m sticking to the original books. But please, fell free to leave more times she should’ve gotten fired in the comments.
1. The time they went to the waterworks
How much you want to bet Ms. Frizzle did not ask who could swim before she took the class through the water cycle? I would bet every red curl on Arnold’s head that she did not.
2. The time they went inside the earth
Um you know what’s bad for kids, BEING INSIDE THE EARTH’S CORE. I think we all know Dorothy Ann’s way too frail for that shit.
3. The time they went inside the human body
Here’s something I imagine Arnold’s parents didn’t agree to when they signed his permission slip form — the class going inside his body.
4. The time they got lost in the solar system
Not only did they go to space, but they got lost. LOST! What was the deal here? Ms. Frizzle just forgot her map? Forgot to check the bus’ magical GPS. Wildly unacceptable. WILDLY!
5. The time they went to the ocean floor
Please refer to the time I wagered Arnold’s curls that she didn’t ask all the kids if they could swim.
6. The time they went back to time when dinosaurs roamed the Earth.
Hmmm you know what doesn’t mix? Small human children and large prehistoric monsters with even larger teeth.
7. The time they went inside a hurricane
Well you know what they tell you on the news: be inside during a hurricane or be inside a school bus inside a hurricane.
8. The time they went inside a beehive
You’re telling me that none of those kids were allergic to bees? Sure it was the ’90s and before everyone and their kid sister was insisting on gluten-free classroom cupcakes, but I still feel like one of those kids could’ve died from a sting.