• Mon, Jun 9 - 10:21 am ET

The Duggar-Like Dad On Sister Wives Has Four Wives But Won’t Let His Daughter Hold Hands

Kody Brown and his four wives from Sister Wives Meri, Robyn, Janelle, and ChristineSister Wives returned last night for its fifth season, and I never thought I’d say this, but I think I’ve found a reality TV family that’s almost as offensive as the Duggars. One collects kids and the other collects wives, but they both have enough religious self-righteousness, backward morals, and hypocrisy to go around.

The head of this family is Kody Brown, and he has four wives and seventeen children, two off from Michelle Duggar‘s nineteen. And one of them, Mykelti, a seventeen-year old daughter by his third wife, Christine, has a new boyfriend, John, with whom Kody wanted to sit down to make sure nothing inappropriate was happening. You know, like hand holding and stuff.

That’s right! The man who is married to four separate women doesn’t think that kissing or even hand-holding is appropriate between a boyfriend and a girlfriend. Shades of Duggar courtship, right?? Kody thinks it’s dangerous, and he has a bunch of really dubious science to back that up:

“When you kiss, the person that you kiss, their hormones go into your mouth and it registers certain things that will stimulate both the heart and the body for other reasons.”

Yup! The next time you kiss someone, just be aware that you’re essentially tongue-blasting each others’ mouths with hormones, and try to keep your lunch down. Also good luck keeping it down as you listen to Christine’s attempt at a carefree, tinkling little laugh when Kody suggests he should clean his gun while talking to John about the appropriate way to behave in a relationship.

“What we want to prevent as parents are the danger zones. Kissing, holding hands that all leads to broken hearts. If you get too close and you get too physical the nature of it you’re going to break up I want to say ‘Hey listen have a friendship.’”

So if I’m reading this correctly, he’s not even worried about them having sex — he’s worried about them breaking up. I guess that explains why he has four wives of his own: he’s so cripplingly terrified of breakups that he’s never actually followed through with one.

This poor kid though, you guys. Both Mykelti and John are looking at Kody like he’s crazy, which he is, but he’s the parent in this situation! Which is terrifying, considering the amount of hypocritical statements that are flying out of his mouth.

“I’ve read enough science on it to feel like science backs me. I think kissing can be very dangerous.”

I feel the exact same way, Kody, except I’d probably substitute the word ‘religion’ for the word ‘kissing’ in that last sentence. I’ve read a lot of science about it, and I fill like it backs me up.

(Photo: TLC)

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  • M_G

    I don’t think “science” means what he thinks it means. I also refuse to believe that someone could end up with four (FOUR!!!!!) wives without some premarital hand-holding and a few tongue-tangos.

    • Myndee

      He admitted to kissing Robyn, the younger some say better looking of the four, before marriage and boy oh boy did the other three flip a lid!

  • Samantha Escobar
  • Myndee

    One, he is aware you don’t share hormones like herpes? Once you kiss the other person’s hormones aren’t there for life. Ok just checking. And two, he in a way collects children, he wants another one with Robyn and she seems to be willing to open the baby factory. Michelle D needs to get a brother husband so she can keep letting them babies walk out of her cat!

    • Alexis Rhiannon

      Or Jim Bob needs a sister wife so he can give Michelle a break!

    • M_G

      I feel like “19 Wives and Counting” would actually be more terrifying/disturbing than they’re current show.

  • Josie

    “I fill like it backs me up.” Was fill meant as a pun? LOL.

    I cracked up when he gave the boyfriend a hard time for the way he was dressed and told him he might have to take away his man card. This coming from a guy who wore a short little ponytail on a date. What a dork!

    • Alexis Rhiannon

      Not a pun, it just sounded like that to me the way he said it, so I kept it!

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