After finishing the second season of Orange Is The New Black, I started to worry that I got the wrong message from the show. Rather than being scared of being sent to prison or worried about how I’d hack it, I feel more ready that ever to sign up for it. Specifically Litchfield. I mean, I love my friends. But I love these friends more. From Red to Rosa to Crazy Eyes, I’m obsessed with all of them. In fact, the thing that stresses me out most about the show is which best friendship I would attach my third wheel to when I arrived there. For what? I don’t know, probably for not liking The Fault In Our Stars or something equally as serious.
So in order to help figure it out, I’ve made a list of my ten favorite best friendships. While I still don’t have a final decision, I do feel more prepared to make the decision when/if the time arises that I get transported into a fictional TV show Pleasantville-style.
*ALSO GREAT EXAMPLES OF FEMALE FRIENDSHIPS AHEAD!*
1. Poussey and Taystee
Even though these two spent most of the season breaking my heart with their falling out, their Amanda and Mackenzie reconciliation talk at the end fixed everything. And their prison charades game earlier on didn’t hurt either. After all, “the white Michelle Williams” will get me every single time.
2. Mr. Healy and Pennsatucky
Even though Mr. Healy and Pennsatucky often both border on being THE WORST on their own, their friendship works really well. You know you shed a sad tear when Pennsatucky skipped Safe Place and broke Mr. Healy’s heart. And you know you shed a happy tear when Pennsatucky told Mr. Healy he’s the only person who’s ever listened to what she had to say. They’re both a mess, but they bring the best out of each other.
3. Piper and Nicky
Well, weeelllll, wellllllllll, if it isn’t our favorite snatch sisters. While Piper’s no one’s favorite (not even her fiance’s), Nicky makes her more bearable by pointing out her insufferable waspiness whenever it appears. And isn’t pointing out your flaws the whole reason you have friends? Well that and someone to call when a college frenemy gets engaged.
4. Leanne and Angie
Okay, fine, I wouldn’t ever want to hang out with these nutmeg sniffers. But I’m still happy that they have each other. Pizza Scissorhands for the win!
5. Flaca and Maritza
The biggest perk of being their third wheel? You’d hopefully learn how to do your make-up like Flaca and your face like Maritza. That’s how it works right? You hang around beautiful people like Maritza and just learn how to make your face hotter? Please, tell me in the comments if I’m wrong.
6. Red and Sister Ingalls
While these two were never sworn enemies, we didn’t ever really see them interact until they got stuck in the hospital together. How much did you love it when they convinced each other to do the right thing. And how much have you been craving a muffin since they did the right thing?
7. Norma and Gloria
A witch doctor and a mute cooking up a curse? Say no more, I’m in.
8. Pennsatucky and Boo
Sure their friendship’s based on lies, but what friendship doesn’t start that way? ‘Tucky can’t be the only one who’s gotten tricked into getting a bowl cut by her new BFF. It’s like the Litchfield version of truth and dare…if there are only dares…and the other person doesn’t know you’re playing.
9. Rosa and Lorna
While most of the friendships on this show are IN YOUR FACE, this one’s incredibly understated. But try to tell me that your heart didn’t grow three sizes during their Toy Story exchange in the van ride to the hospital. Then try to tell me your heart didn’t explode when Lorna let Rosa drive off into the sunset. And yes, “into the sunset” is a euphemism for hitting Vee with the van.
10. Piper and Red
Even though Piper doesn’t want Red to be her prison mom, she seems to do really well with the motherly figures in her life. Take Miss Claudette for example (then take bleach and get that scene of Boo rubbing that blanket up in here crotch out your head). While Piper usually makes horrible decisions, it was nice to see her make a good one when Red asked her how her store was doing. Hopefully — and it’s weird to type this — Red never get out of prison to see that it’s closed.