• Sun, Jun 8 - 11:10 am ET

12 Signs You Just Finished Binge Watching Orange Is The New Black

Vee And Red

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I just finished binge watching season two of Orange Is the New BlackOn a related note, I also just overdosed on pizza and Diet Coke. Something that both myself and my imaginary personal trainer will hate me for this week. But it was all in the name of getting through season two without moving off my couch. (Litchfield girls aren’t the only girls that get to pee in a bucket.) And tell you what, it was totally worth it. This season was so, so good!

And if you’re reading this, I’m guessing that you also just finished binge watching it. Which means two things. One, you want to talk about it for the rest of the day. Two, you’re going through some stuff right now. That’s okay, I am too. No one watches 13 hours of OITNB straight and comes out symptom free.

So in celebration of my swollen liver and my blurry eyes, let’s begin with your symptoms.

1. You’ve already trained three roaches to fetch you water…

Roach Training

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All in honor of dead Yoda. May he rest in peace.

2. You remember what it’s like to hate Alex.

Piper Hates Alex

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Telling the truth during a trial never felt so wrong. Then again, it led to Piper finally getting revenge on Alex.

3. You like Pennsatucky’s new teeth!

Penns New Smile

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Like you’re seriously impressed with how good she looks. Throw in her character development this season and you’re practically in love with the girl.

4. Your hatred for Larry is forever unshakable at this point. 

Why We Hate Larry

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But maybe it’s good that he finally grew a spine? At least enough of one to tell Piper to her face that he’s in love with someone else. Even if it is her married best friend, Polly.

5. You’re still deciding to join either Team Vee, Red or Gloria.

Vee

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Just kidding. You have no choice but to go with the team won’t trick Crazy Eyes into thinking she killed you…AKA Team Vee. (And nope, she doesn’t get an RIP like Yoda.)

6. You’re still looking for Jack. Sad face.

Piper Sad

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Am I the only one crying over Jimmy still and worried sick about what happened to her?

7. You’re still waiting in line for your turn with Officer Bennett.

Bennet Smiling

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Storage closet? Now? Tonight? Whatever time works for you! I’LL GLADLY HAVE YOUR BABY AND KEEP IT A SECRET! Unlike, someone else who’s obsessed with “morals.”

8. You’re questioning why you feel so bad for Pennsatucky.

Binge Eating

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That convo between Pennsatucky and Healy during the Valentine’s Day episode changed everything. Well at least some of my hatred toward the bible-thumping Pennsatucky.

9. You wish Daya would stop moping and just go away.

Piper Waking

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Okay, this one might be personal. But seriously, I want her in the SHU or the delivery room already. Enough is enough with her whining.

10. You’re still disappointed there wasn’t enough Sophia this season.

tumblr_n6t1ekSQMo1qbljqoo1_500

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What the eff! I mean, we’re happy that she reunited with her son, but that was not enough Laverne Cox! Hey producers, we better be seeing a whole more of her in season three.

11. You were actually glad to see Mendez again.

Mendez Winks

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I’ll be the first (and maybe only one) to admit I’ve missed Pornstache, even if he was taken away right after he returned. There’s something about Pornstache in love that’s just so fun to watch.

 12. You’re pretty sure you spent the last 13 hours eating food like this.

Lorna Sneaking Food

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And that’s okay, because it was totally worth it to get through the whole season and be able to discuss it right now. Which is what I plan to right now do. I’ll I’ll kick it off with some starter questions to make it easier for your tired brain and let you do the rest of the discussion in the comments.

So here goes! Why the heck doesn’t my German sound as sexy as Pousseys? How did Jimmy find her way out of a penitentiary when I can barely find a hot date to cuddle-watch with this show with?  And can someone PLEASE slap the hell out of Taystee for being so Vee-washed? Glad she finally came around, but it took waaaay tooo long. Finally, how excited are you for season three and how can we speed up time to make it get here already?

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  • capoupascap

    Yes to all of these especially 9, 10, and 11. I find myself puzzled as to why Days has so many guys falling all over her. She is pretty but she has zero personality. I also didn’t hate Blondie mcblahie this season since she had the whole detached as whole thing going on and I loved Brooke Soso. I also enjoyed seeing Jason Biggs being hit since I hate him just so much.

    • Jenni

      Daya was the most annoying. I get what she’s saying about her baby’s daddy confusion, but at the same time, how will they ever provide for her if both she and Bennett can’t get jobs because of their records.

    • parisc

      Agreed. I’d rather they replace Daya for the drug-trading roach. And I’m still really pissed with Larry and Polly. I was watching that scene unravel and was like, This is really about to happen isn’t it?! YEP! Now there will never be any reconciliation between them and Piper, like ever. It’d be pretty hard to shake the fact that your ex-fiance sacked your best friend and had the audacity to ask for your blessing in prison. Like WTF? Piper couldn’t even respond in a totally-appropriate fist-flying outrage… unfair.

  • JenH1986

    Having just finished the book, I’m curious as to how many seasons they are going to get out of it.

    • Jenni

      From what I’ve heard, the show is ten times better than the book. And it’s very, very loosely based on it.

    • JenH1986

      The book was really good. But for once I have to admit the show is better. But also knowing she is only supposed to be there for a year (or 15 months) I think they’ll run out of room. I need at least 5 seasons though…

    • Jenni

      I think time in prison moves really slowly, which means the show can really stretch it out. Also, Piper becomes less of a main character as it goes on, so it really can go on forever.

  • c

    Why wouldn’t Bennett just quit his job there and take the baby on the outside once Daya has it? As we saw in season 1, the baby gets sent out with someone on the outside. If he no longer works there, they could make it seem like he got into a relationship with her after he left the job and she trusts him enough to take the child.
    Then he can get another job, take care of the baby, and wait for Daya till she serves her time.

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  • TJ

    I couldn’t binge as much as I would like to have binged so I’m just getting to this now! Wow I loved this season! I can’t really say which I liked better; they were both amazing!!! So here is my spew because I can’t get my friends to watch it with me :(

    I totally agree about Sophia- we need more! But I loved the other background stories we got. WHOA on Morello!! I did not see that one coming at all but it was fabulous! And poor dear (bad ass) Rosa. I thought it was genius to focus on the older generation or prisoners this season with Red becoming a part of their group. I hope we get more of their background stories next season (although I don’t see that happening now that Red has her family back).

    I hate Bennett and Daya’s story. Hate it. I’m really glad they addressed the power imbalance this season. I think it is sick and could really do without it.

    Also, am I the only one that sort of loved Healy and Pensatucky’s relationship? Awesome.

    • parisc

      I honestly think Morello was the most underrated talent of this season. She was brilliant! I was not expecting her to be so damn infectious, but dammit she was amazing! Can’t wait to see what happens with her next season.

    • TJ

      Agreed! It is amazing that even though we know now she is bat-shit crazy stalker, she is still so lovable and relatable!

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