Bradley Cooper was on the set of his new movie American Sniper this week filming a Navy SEAL training scene. He was dressed in a T-shirt, black boots and shorts. The shorts were… short. This is the part where you guys ask in unison, “How short were they?” And then I tell you, “They were so short that if they made them any shorter, we’d be getting a formal introduction to Bradley Cooper’s butt cheeks right now. And possibly also other parts of Bradley Cooper.”
Those are some very short shorts. Like “I accidentally shrank my favorite khaki shorts in the drier but I love them too much to get rid of them so I’m going to wear them anyway even though it’s extremely uncomfortable” short. They’re so short they would get turned away from riding every roller coaster in the world. They’re so short they were used as scale doubles for The Hobbit. They’re so short… yeah, I’m out of jokes. So they’re shorter than my list of jokes about how short they are, which is very short.
I’m not a monster, so obviously I’ve also included a shot taken from the back. Bradley’s really bulked up for this role, which the world took note of when he was photographed out and about and everyone went, “Who the hell is that beefy guy who kind of looks like Bradley Cooper, and why are the paparazzi following him? That is Bradley Cooper? Ha ha, nice try. I know what Bradley Cooper looks like. That’s not Bradley Cooper.” But it was Bradley Cooper, and thanks to his bigger physique, those shorts really have their work cut out for them. I hope they’re getting a good paycheck for this movie, and that afterward they’ll be able to retire to a nice cozy closet somewhere and not be bothered.
Just to fill you in, this movie is being directed by Clint Eastwood and tells the true story of U.S. Navy SEAL Chris Kyle, who in his autobiography claimed to be the most lethal sniper in American military history. It co-stars Sienna Miller and these shorts and is due out in 2015.