Before we get any further into this story, I want to say there will be spoilers. MAJOR SPOILERS. And since we know from past experience that Game of ThronesÂ fans don’t handle spoilers well, I wanted to kick off this conversation by saying SPOILERS.
Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, let’s talk about this photo. It feature Oberyn Martell and The MountainÂ hanging out in their bathing suits. While I at first assumed that this was a scene cut from Joffrey’s bachelor party, I’ve since learned that it’s a behind the scenes photo. And that Oberyn Martell and The Mountain are just actors playing roles. In fact, in real life, their names areÂ Pedro PascalÂ andÂ HafĂľĂłr JĂşlĂus BjĂ¶rnsson.Â I also learned that dragons aren’t real and that incest isn’t a-okay. Even if you’reÂ reallyÂ into each other and your dad’s a total dickwad. (Also, even if your grandmother locks you in an attic for a few years.)
The reason that this photo’s currently blowing out my brain is that we watched The Mountain blow out Oberyn’s brain during Tyrion’s trial by combat. Literally. So literally that I recommend you not click on that “literally” link unless you want to vom ten times in a row.Â Seriously, every time I think I’ve “seen it all” on this show, it gets me again. Red Wedding anyone???
Also, slightly off topic, but do you think George RR Martin should talk to someone? Like a therapist? Just to, um, kinda, talk about how he gets these ideas. Then again, getting Georgie some help might result in this show going soft. Can you imagine what would happen if everything was all hunky dory in Westeros? It would be likeÂ if the Care Bears learned to breed dragons. The Hound would be Tenderheart, Cersei would be Funshine Bear and Arya would be that lesser known Care Bear named StabbyHearts Bear. (And don’t even think about writing this fan fiction because I already have it trademarked.)
While I’m already working withÂ myÂ therapist to prepare for what will surely be a very bloody and very tragic season finale, I’m slightly reassured by the fact that none of this real. And that after these actors brutalize each other in front of our faces, they hang out on in their bathing suits. Isn’t that all fans can ever really ask for in a show? Well that and a little less violence.