I sure hope you have a pair of nipples in your closet — or already on your body, if that’s what you’re into — because they are all the rage this season. And the best part is you can wear them with absolutely anything, because nobody’s going to be paying attention to the rest of the outfit anyway. That’s the beauty of it. Just look at the selfie Beyonce posted to her website yesterday. She is proud of those nipples. So proud she gives them more prominence in the photo than she does her face. If that’s not a prime example of nipple pride, I don’t know what is.
Of course, when you compare it to what Rihanna wore to the CFDA Fashion Awards last night (hint: it was sparkly and slinky and sheer and the only thing it left to the imagination was her vagina), this is super tame. This photo was posted too close to Rihanna’s nippular debut to say either one was trying to compete with the other one, but I wouldn’t be surprised if they looked into each other’s minds from afar and figured out the other’s plan.
That means Beyonce’s gonna have to really step up her nipple-flaunting game if she wants to beat RiRi for the coveted title of “Head Nipple-Flaunter.” Which is a title I just made up five seconds ago and only matters in my head. But still, she should really work on that. Maybe practice with a few wet T-shirt contests or by spending the afternoon in a cold college lecture hall without a cardigan. Train those nipples! Or ditch the tight shirt (bathing suit?) altogether and just walk around town sans top like Scout Willis. It’s the only way to go if you want to be a champion, Bey. Make nipples everywhere proud.