You know how sometimes you’ll be watching your favorite TV show, and you’ll look at a couple and think, “Man, these characters really need to break up, like, yesterday”? Well, sometimes that tendency can bleed over into celebrity land as well, especially if you think of famous people as fictional characters. Which they are. They’re totally not real people or anything. And sometimes you look at a famous couple and think, “I would be totally cool with them not being together anymore.”
Maybe it’s because you think one person in the couple could do so much better, or maybe the couple as a whole just annoys you and if they could just separate you could tolerate them. Let’s face it, most couples in Hollywood are going to break up at some point anyway, so we might as well wish it upon the sucky couples instead of the really great ones. Yes hello, I have no heart. Nice to meet you. Here are nine celebrity couples whose break-ups would cause us to shed zero tears (unless it’s out of happiness).
1. Charlize Theron and Sean Penn
(Photo: Rob Rich / WENN.com)
This is a big one. Sean Penn has a history of violence, and in the ’80s he was charged with domestic assault against his then-wife Madonna. Just… why. No. Get outta there, Charlize.
2. Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez
(Photo: Adriana M. Barraza / WENN.com)
They don’t seem to be together now (that we know of), but we’ve been tricked before. How many times have we thought Selena was finally rid of Justin and his diaper pants just to hear about a reunion shortly thereafter? END THIS MADNESS ONCE AND FOR ALL.
3. Kim Kardashian and Kanye West
Sure they have a daughter together and everything, but I figure it’s gonna happen sooner or later. And besides, North West is gonna run off eventually and find new parents just like her namesake. Either that or Penelope Disick will raise her.
4. Bradley Cooper and Suki Waterhouse
Let’s put an end to this charade before it gets out of hand, shall we? We’ve been yelling “fakelationship” about these two since before those infamous park photos were released. The only downside to their break-up would be a loss of entertainment value.
5. Kaley Cuoco and Ryan Sweeting
(Photo: Daniel Tanner / WENN.com)
Ugh, these two. After Kaley’s “fling” with Superman last summer, she rushed down the aisle with a tennis player, got couple tattoos, and just generally annoyed me. The chances of them not annoying me separately are slim, but I’m willing to try it out.
6. Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel
(Photo: Joel Ginsburg / WENN.com)
These two never seem to see each other anyway, so how would a break-up change things? Seriously, though, does Jessica Biel even exist?
7. Demi Lovato and Wilmer Valderrama
(Photo: Sam Sharma, PacificCoastNews.com)
Wilmer has a reputation as a player, is much older than her, and I just think she can do much better. Those leaked nude photos from earlier this year were made more upsetting by the fact that Wilmer was in them.
8. Emma Roberts and Evan Peters
(Photo: STS / WENN.com)
Emma and Evan are engaged despite Emma being arrested for domestic violence against Evan last summer. Domestic violence is never okay, whether it’s initiated by a woman or a man, so I wasn’t exactly quick to congratulate them when I heard they were getting married.
9. Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux
Yawn. These two are supposedly engaged, even though it doesn’t look like the wedding is happening soon and there are break-up rumors about them constantly. Sometimes I forget they’re even a couple at all.