Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt — better known as the entity Brangelina — have many children. I want to say there are 57 of them, but the Internet tells me there are only six. While I find that hard to believe, I guess I’ll just go with it. In case you forgot, their names are Knox, Maddox, Pax, Shiloh, Vivienne, and Zahara, and they have a monopoly on the second half of the alphabet. They also happen to be the most interesting kids in Hollywood. Nay, in the world.
Maleficent comes out in theaters today, and since little Vivienne has a small part as young Aurora, Angelina has been talking about the on-set experience during the press tour. But that’s not the only time Brangelina has shared tidbits about their family life. So we thought we’d round up some of the best anecdotes from the world’s most intimidating couple about the world’s most famous children.
“He’s dating, he’s got a girlfriend. She’s great. I won’t embarrass him. She’s lovely. She lives in England. She’s very cool. We go there as often as possible. It’s really, really sweet. She’s a great lady, so I’m lucky. So far, we’re doing good.”
That’s right. A 12-year-old is in a long-distance relationship and Angelina refers to her as a “lady,” so commence feeling old whenever it’s convenient for you.
“We are discussing it with the children and how they imagine it might be. Which is verging on hysterical, how kids envision a wedding…They will, in a way, be the wedding planners. It’s going to be Disney or paintball—one or the other!”
How about Disney and paintball? Everyone dresses as their favorite character and then they all get pelted with paint. And then please invite me so I can get some use out of my Laverne the gargoyle costume.
“I asked Shiloh about being Aurora, and she laughed in my face. She said she’d be a horned creature.”
Laughed. In. Her. Face. If you didn’t already love Shiloh Jolie-Pitt, you definitely do now. Nobody casts Shiloh as a princess. She’s a horned creature!
“The idea of doing something more than once and doing it when you’re told—no four-year-old isn’t going to do what you tell them to do anyway. So just like any four-year-old, she always skips around, she always collects flowers, she always collects butterflies. But when she’s supposed to, she just didn’t want to. So Brad and I, and her brothers and sisters, were all there, and I had to get the pole with the blue stick on the end that was the butterfly and I had to kind of dance in front of her.”
Vivienne doesn’t catch butterflies unless she wants to, okay?! Also is anyone else dying to see behind-the-scenes footage of Angelina dancing in front of Vivienne to get her to do what she supposed to? That’s gotta be on the DVD, right?
“When Pax saw me for the first time, he ran away and got upset — and I thought he was kidding, so I was pretending to chase him until I actually found him crying. I had to take off pieces [of the makeup] in front of him to show him it was all fake and not freak out so much.”
If she scared her own children on set without any fancy special effects or acting evil involved, imagine how scary she is in the movie.
“If it’s got Selena Gomez in it or something they’ll be interested in it… I gotta work on that for the next one.”
Uh, no duh, Brad. What kind of movie is it if it doesn’t include Selena Gomez’s baby face? What were you even thinking?
“Once I walked in and Angie was standing there and Zahara walked up and said, ‘Daddy, you’re not going to start making out with Mommy again, are you?’ And it’s like that.”
Apparently Brad and Angie spend so much time kissing that it’s become a problem. Get a room, you two. But first make sure someone’s watching your huge brood.
“[They say], get mommy a ring.”
Well, he finally did it, since they’re engaged now. But it’s still not clear whether that wedding will ever actually happen. Or whether it will involve paintball. These kids really need to work harder at this.
“He really does take care of me. He will hold my hand and say, ‘Are you feeling tired? Is that why you are upset?’ Yeah, he really does take care of me.”
Based on this cuteness, I’m sure Maddox is a great boyfriend. To that girl he’s dating. At age 12. Sorry, I’m just not really over it yet.
“My little Vivienne – we call her my shadow, because there’s nothing I can do to shake her. I can be tired, I can be grumpy, I can be in a terrible mood, and she doesn’t care. It’s ‘Mommy, Mommy,’ and she’ll cling to me. We knew that she would still do that thing, she’d still smile at me and insist that I pick her up. So we couldn’t really cast anybody else.”
That Vivienne. Anyone else getting a mental image of Vivienne clutching Angelina’s famous leg while she tries to go about her day? Just Angie shuffling around the house with a kid attached to her.
(Photo: Adriana M. Barraza/WENN.com)