Important question for you guys this Friday afternoon — who’s on your celebrity freebies list? You know, the carefully-curated list of famous people that you’re allowed to sleep with no matter your own circumstances*! I’m assuming we’ve all heard of this, right?
(*Theirs still matter, so don’t just drop down on these people from high places like a bunch of creepy panthers, OKAY?!?)
Mine changes a bit from time to time (out with the Freddie Prinze, Jr., in with the new), but I’ve been lugging it around with me since about age sixteen or so, when all my hormones started rushing in, and my crushes on these celebrities started to feel Very Real. You can technically have however many people you want on your own particular list, but I limit it to five, because I’m not a monster.
So, in no particular order, here’s mine:
- Mark Ruffalo.
A longstanding list resident.
- James McAvoy.
4ever your girl.
- Tom Hiddleston.
This commercial? Please.
- Skylar Astin.
Pitch Perfect got me good, and I ain’t afraid to say it.
- Ryan Gosling.
Sorry not sorry. Although he’s on the bubble, because he’s been out of sight out of mind for a minute, so Paul Rudd is steadily gaining.
So who’s on yours? I need to not be alone in my daydreams right now. Here are some thoughts to get you started:
- Do you include only people who are single, thereby increasing your odds of actually making things happen? After all, dreams do come true!
- Do you add someone you’re not attracted to, but curious about? For example, I’m still torn over whether I should put John Mayer on mine, just to see what all the fuss is about.
- Are you more interested in appearance or personality?
- Does your list have any no longer living people on it? You’re not gonna actually sleep with any of these people anyway, so what’s the harm in throwing in Heath Ledger or Jimmy Stewart, for old time’s sake.
- Do you mix and match genders so that Kristen Bell gets a look at the action?
- Do you add people who are international, like Isabella Rosselini, or stick with someone more domestic?
- Do you laminate it?
- Do you ever stop making Friends references? (Answer: no.)
Let me know who you come up with, and we’ll all get to judging each other and wishing these lists could be twenty people long.