At the Los Angeles premiere of Maleficent, Angelina Jolie revealed that her and Brad Pitt’s son, Maddox Jolie-Pitt, has a real human girlfriend. Did you just gain 35 new wrinkles, sprout gray hair, and develop the desire to tell any child who will listen about back in “your day”? Because, news like that is bound to make you feel like the oldest person on this here Earth. So, go out and get you some comfortable house shoes and maybe a ridiculously large reclining chair, because this is your new life.
And, lucky for Maddox, Angie really likes his girlfriend. She even refers to her as a lady. Oh god, here come the grumblings about today’s youth and a hankering for some butterscotch-flavored hard candies.
“He’s dating, he’s got a girlfriend. She’s great. I won’t embarrass him. She’s lovely. She lives in England. She’s very cool. We go there as often as possible. It’s really, really sweet. She’s a great lady, so I’m lucky. So far, we’re doing good.”
Ah, to be the kid of two of Hollywood’s richest and most famous actors. “You live in America and are 12 years old? No problem, we’ll all just pop over to England for high tea for a few hours every weekend. Don’t even stress it, we’re going to make this relationship work because we have some people to make feel old as hell.”
And old as hell I feel. I remember when Angelina use to carry around a tiny, be-mohawked Maddox. Now he’s in a cute relationship with a foreign lady who his mom adores. It’s like, when are we going to stop calling it “dog years” and start calling it “Hollywood child years,” already?
(Photo: Adriana M. Barazza, WENN / Brian To, WENN)