Kim Kardashian and Kanye West are still married. It’s been four days now. I know, I’m just as shocked as you are. When will this madness end?! The clock is ticking, you two. Better get to planning that divorce. Okay okay, so I know when people get married we’re supposed to assume they’ll be together forever and never stop loving each other and live happily ever after. But I can’t even do that for people on my Facebook newsfeed, so how do you expect me to do it for Kimye? New York Sports Club is certainly ready for the divorce, based on the ad they put in the New York Post.
Here it is in all its cynical glory, reminding everyone that Kim’s previous marriage to Kris Humprhies was a whole 72 days long. We’ve all memorized that number by now, right? Obviously. How else are we supposed to use it as a punch line in every conversation?
Get it? Kim and Kanye are totes gonna get divorced, because that’s what Kim Kardashian does best. I think it’s on her resume, above “reality star” and below “sex tape actress.” Of course, the ad doesn’t totally make sense because it’s not like Kim broke up with ripped basketball player Kris Humphries because he let himself go. But it’s a joke at Kimye’s expense, so we probably shouldn’t nitpick too much.
Still, while we’re all chuckling along with the divorce comments now, I’m afraid eventually it’ll become the celebrity gossip equivalent of “Let It Go” videos. Months down the line we’ll be like, “Ugh, will they just break up already so I can stop hearing these divorce jokes?” Savor this time, my friends. And good luck in your divorce betting pools. Do you think North’s existence will increase or decrease the number of days? I think I’ll go do some calculations and figure this thing out.