Just when you thought it was safe to invite Jill Duggar to your everlasting brunch in Heaven, she goes and screws everything up by sluttin’ it up and damning herself to Hell. Now normally I would refrain from using the word “slut” when speaking about a woman, but the girl gave her fiance a full frontal hug. As in her front touched his front. As in now she’s now most definitely pregnant with Satan’s spawn. In the grand scheme of horrible things that women have done in the world, this ranks right below Kim Kardashian fat-shaming her brother out of her own wedding and right above the time a co-worker left the bathroom when I was in a stall without telling me so I was just left talking to myself. So yeah, pretty bad.
How did this happen? Jill got so excited to see her fiance Derick Dilard return from Nepal that she just went straight for the full-frontal hug, not even stopping to pause and think about whether she was ready to have a child out of wedlock. According to the nuns over at Hollywood Life, “the two embraced in a full-frontal hug, a physical step that they had both agreed not to take — but in their excitement over seeing each other again they just could not help themselves.”
First of all excitement isn’t an excuse to be a whore. As Jessie Spano once said on Saved by the Bell, ”Ahh I’m so excited, I’m so excited, I’m so scared of the fact rgR I’m a ruined woman damned to hell.” Second of all, they’re lucky God was in the bathroom when this happened because that lightening bolt he would’ve sent Jill’s way would’ve burned. And all the make-up in the world can’t hide a smite burn on an HDTV.
Third of all, Derick might want to take a step back from this relationship and ask himself if he wants to be with a woman willing to hug a man in public. I’ll say whatever everyone else is thinking, he deserves better. Perhaps a woman who understands that hugs are for husbands in the privacy of your home.
P.S – Contact me if you’d like that saying crocheted into a pillow for your God-fearing home.