• Tue, May 27 - 12:26 pm ET

David Schwimmer Solved A Crime, Which Is Almost As Good As A Friends Reunion

David Schwimmer attending NBC Upfronts May 2013I have good news for the small and dangerously-optimistic group of fans still hoping for a Friends reunion — no, the cast hasn’t signed on for an eleventh season and a movie, but it’s the next best thing: a solved crime.

Just when we thought David Schwimmer was condemned to follow up his role as Ross Geller on Friends with the role of ‘unpopular East Village resident’, he goes and solves himself a regular New York Mystery! Up until now, David was pretty universally hated by his neighbors for tearing down a townhouse built in 1852, just as it was being considered for a historic designation, in order to build his own $.4.1 million, 9,000-square foot behemoth. But for as angry as people were about that at the time, it turns out that the high-tech elements of the new building just came in pretty useful, so maybe it’s okay after all.

According to the New York Post, early yesterday morning, at about 5:40am, three men got into a fight on the first floor of a building on East Sixth Street that adjoins David’s. According to reports, it started out as a disagreement between a twenty-six year old man and the twenty-one year old male prostitute whom he was refusing to pay, although a third man also ended up getting involved, and subsequently arrested.

Apparently when the prostitute realized that the john wasn’t going to pay him, he took the man’s computer and attempted to leave with it, and the situation shortly escalated to violencewith the two of them crashing through a glass door in the building’s lobby, sending the john to the hospital with facial stab wounds while the prostitute was somehow able to flit away into the beautiful Memorial Day morning without being taken into custody.

At first, the only information that the police had to rely on was the differing accounts of the two men they’d managed to arrest…UNTIL!!!!! David Schwimmer stepped on the scene. Apparently his security cameras captured the entire incident, so he cordially invited the police into his apartment to review the footage.

Aha! Success! Step one in getting the neighbors to like him again, according to resident Jayson Fillermutter:

“Four years ago, I would say David Schwimmer was the least popular guy on the block with the construction and all. But he has turned out to be a decent neighbor, and I am glad to hear he helped the cops with that stabbing.”

HUZZAH HURRAY CHRISTMAS IS SAVED! And all it took was a three-man stabbing.

(Photo: Dan Jackman / WENN.com)

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  • Alana Vincenza

    I heard a few people talking about this at a MDW party…apparently the “prostitute” wasn’t actually a prostitute but one of this one girl’s friends? Who knows. Good work, now good guy David Schwimmer.