Don’t you just hate it when it’s time for you to make a speech at your wedding and you can’t go off on a tangent about how the Kardashians are a big, crazy industry? Kanye West totally hates it! Which is why, this weekend at his modestly tiny wedding, he allegedly took the time out to congratudiss the entire family of his new wife, Kim Kardashian.
How did he do what we’ve all previously thought to be impossible, you ask? By allegedly slipping into his wedding speech that the Kardashian family is a big old cash cow, of course! But, like, not in a bad way. He means it in the good sense of how a family can be an industry, where cash is king and the actual feelings of its members are only important when they’re marketable to the masses. My word, I’d even say that’s the very best way that a family can operate in a healthy, not-at-all-harmful way!
“They feel like it’s okay to put you on the tabloid covers to sell your image, to use you in an SNL spoof. We don’t negotiate. We’re not like that. We’re not stupid. The Kardashians are an industry! We are warriors!”
I can only assume that the “they” to whom he allegedly referred is, in fact, Kris Jenner, herself. Because, as Kardash Momager Extraordinaire, a giant hunk of her job is to sell the images of her spawn. So, I imagine that she actually cackles late into the night each time Nasim Pedrad does Kim’s nasally voice on Saturday Night Live, because exposure, in all forms, is the lifeblood of this family. And now, it’s Kanye’s too, as he is now officially Mr. Favorite Kardashian Child.