Last night Ellen Page talked to Conan O’Brien about her dreams. And I don’t mean dreams in the “follow your dreams and be yourself, rainbows and happiness” sort of way, although I’m sure she has those too. No, I mean in the “falling asleep and going on adventures in your brain” sort of way. That’s right, celebrities have dreams. They’re just like us! Except for the large amounts of money and fame. And it turns out the dreams they have when they do go to sleep are pretty amusing. Amusing in a way that involves pubic hair and Justin Bieber.
Apparently Ellen has recurring anxiety dreams that involve terrifying pubic hair. What kind of pubic hair, you ask? Just the kind that grows up to her boobs. You know the kind. The nightmare kind. But what’s even more horrifying than the out-of-control pubes is the fact that Ellen also has dreams about Justin Bieber. Specifically dreams about eating IKEA food with him at his house in Canada. Just the usual combination of people, places and things. I think Ellen’s brain must play mad libs as she falls asleep each night. That’s the only explanation for this.
It’s a funny coincidence, though, because I happen to have recurring nightmares about pubic hair and Justin Bieber at the same time. Except those nightmares are actually daymares, when I’m wide awake and looking at photos of Bieber trying to grow facial hair. Don’t even try to deny those are face pubes. I’m sure that’s where Ellen’s dreams will take her soon, and we’ll hear about it the next time she’s on the show. Now go ahead and congratulate/chastise me for turning yet another post not entirely related to Bieber into an opportunity to snark about Bieber. You have to admit I have a real gift.