Yesterday The Ellen DeGeneres Show posted the above photo to Instagram announcing that Diane Keaton would be on today’s show and we wouldn’t want to miss it. The entire world simultaneously wrote themselves reminders, set their DVRs, and refreshed YouTube for hours waiting for the interview to go up. You might remember that Diane Keaton is a bit of a kook, especially when wine is involved. The last time she was on Ellen’s show she giggled about tantric sex the whole time, and it’s clear from this new interview that Ellen was ready to repeat the magic.
Obviously the first step to achieving maximum Diane Keaton kookiness is to first give her a tall glass of red wine with ice. This time beer pong wasn’t involved, so Ellen saved herself from getting ping pong balls thrown at her while Diane downed every cup on the table. (Just ask Jimmy Fallon.) But Ellen did make sure to have a man wearing tiny shorts bring the wine out to Diane, probably with the specific intention of getting Diane to tell him, “You’re attractive” before checking him out as he walks away. Which she does, of course. Because, as she admits, she already had “a few” drinks. Yeah, we could tell, Diane.
What ensues is the following: enough giggling to power a small country, referring to herself in the third person, a speech about how beautiful Ellen is, and a rambling monologue about Cary Grant. So basically everything that your eccentric aunt does at Christmas. And then at the end she goes into this routine where she pretends she doesn’t remember anything Ellen just said, because she’s playing Ellen’s mom in the Finding Nemo sequel Finding Dory. And Dory is the fish who can’t remember anything. Get it? Yeah, you get it. Diane really gets it, and she’s very pleased with herself. And with her wine. She’s very pleased with her wine as well.