I won’t even lie, you guys, I’ve become a hardcore Swifter over the years. I’ve got the sparkly guitar and the will to completely crush my ex’s ego. Now all I’m missing is the blonde hair extensions and the svelte shape of a giraffe. But foreal, I wanna know her secrets… like ALL of them. Any woman able to nab as many men as her (real nabbing or otherwise) is one to be watched and emulated.
When she isn’t tied up with blackmailing Meredith or Selena Gomez into making videos, I like to imagine Taylor doing really regular stuff like sleeping or taking a bus or reading books having absolutely nothing to do with clever ways to emasculate an ex-boyfriend. No matter our differences, though, Taylor and I will always have this one single thing in common: We’re both going to be single for a very long time if we don’t stop stalking the boy next door. So in the spirit of trying to cope with the uncopeable, here are 21 Swift songs to make a life of solidarity seem a little less pathetic:
1. Breathe (feat. Colbie Caillat)
This was one of Taylor’s best songs, so why was it never on the radio again?
2. The Way I Loved You
If you’re wondering where my collection of tear-soaked pillows came from, here’s your answer.
3. You’re Not Sorry
Maybe I’m reading too much into the idea, but is it crazy to think she wrote this for me and no one else? Yes? Okay thanks, bye…
Even though my awkward encounters with the John Smiths of my life were far from enchanted, this song definitely is.
5. Speak Now
Totally feelin’ this track, Tay. I was only seconds away from not holding my peace at Ryan Reynolds and Blake Lively’s wedding but then that bitch Blair and her minions got in the way.
6. Better Than Revenge
I’m all for a good subliminal message so long as it’s tastefully done, and Taylor throws shade so well in this song that it’s obvious that Nene Leakes mentors her.
7. All Too Well
It’s clear this alleged relationship did not end amicably, and FTR: Taylor wants her scarf back. Looking at you, Jake Gyllenhaal!
8. Back To December
I like listening to this song on a breezy day, trying to match Taylor’s attitude in the video. The end result is usually me walking around my backyard with the grace of a walrus in an oversized flannel. I try.
I want Nick, Joe and Kevin Jonas to make my polyandric dreams a beautiful miracle too, Taylor!
10. Cold As You
You’ll probably want to get those tear ducts checked after listening to this one, people.
11. Jump Then Fall
Thanks for the offer Tay, but I’d like to jump then fall into the arms of Jesse Metcalfe instead.
I know people tell me my boring Barnes & Nobles-bound life will get better and change over time, but the idea is so much more promising when Taylor says it several times in a song.
13. The Story Of Us
P.S. I never want to hear about the story of us ever again.
Pretty sure this one was about me too, except I was 17 and he was 19 and played Yu-Gi-Oh or something. Lesson learned.
15. Love Story
I really wish someone would’ve told me to stay away from Romeo.
16. Long Live
The pacing of this song is pretty brilliant, one more reason to hate-love this woman.
“I’ll do anything you say if you say it with your hands.” What does this mean, Taylor?!!
18. Everything Has Changed
What happens when you pair a bashful blonde with an irresistible redhead? Only musical greatness of course.
19. White Horse
Its no wonder why I resent all things shining armor and unicorn-like these days.
20. I Almost Do
Arguably the most underrated song from Red.
21. Should’ve Said No
Let’s not even talk about why I said, “Yes.” I just can’t even deal right now.