Thinking about seeing Blended this weekend. How about don’t? Just watch The Wedding Singer and 50 First Dates back to back and you’ll be all set. Especially since the best part of Blended are the awesome cameos from those two movies. But before we get to that, let’s talk about the movie and why I don’t recommend you seeing it. At least until it’s on TV and there’s nothing else on to watch.
While Blended wasn’t nearly as racist as I feared it would be when I learned that the plot involved dropping Adam Sander into a comedy set in Africa, it was just as stupid. Sure, Adam Sandler and Drew Barrymore have great chemistry. And sure, Alyvia Alyn Lind’s freaking adorable as the youngest kid. But the rest of it is trash. Like put it out on the curb and forget about it.
Not only do we have the incredibly beautiful Bella Thorne pulling a classic She’s All That, but we also have Adam Sandler playing a sympathetic widower with a dead wife who worked at Hooters. (Fun fact for trivia night: Hooters and Drew Barrymore have now starred alongside Adam Sandler in almost the same amount of movies!) How sympathetic is Adam Sandler in this movie? He’s a single dad raising daughters. Hello! There’s nothing sweeter than that. With possibly the exception of a feral dog raising a kitten inside a charming cottage located on the English countryside. And yes, there is a scene where does his daughter’s hair ineptly because men raising children! Am I right or am I right or should we expect more from fathers because it’s 2014?
So I hear what you’re asking. If he’s so great, why don’t he and Drew hit it off right away? Um, well, because she’s an uptight bitch. How uptight? She had a job as a closet organizer! Not impressed? Get this, her husband cheated on. Raise your hand if you know a husband who cheated because his wife wasn’t an uptight bitch. What’s that? No hands? I think I’ve made my point. And to put the cherry on top of the c-word sundae, Drew gives Adam a hard time about taking her to Hooters on their first date for most of the movie. And at first we’re like “go Drew go go Drew.” But then we learn that Dead Mom Sandler was a manager there and we’re like “ohhhh Poor Adam. Drew should’ve guessed that he not only had a dead wife, but that she managed a restaurant that’s widely known for misogyny and is completely inappropriate for a first date without any context. And maybe even with context.”
Also this seems like a good time to throw in the fact that Adam’s middle daughter is named ESPN and she “sees” Dead Mother Sandler everywhere. (“Don’t sit there, my mom’s sitting there” is something that is said more than once in the movie.) The fact that Dead Mother Sandler was cool with the name ESPN is used to prove how awesome she was at being laid back — unlike Drew who scoffs at the fact that he named his daughter after a sports network. This is actually a plot point in the movie to show how Adam is a good dad and Drew needs to loosen up and live a little. Maybe change her son’s name to HGTV or something. (That’s an original joke that you won’t hear in Blended)
Rampant sexism and old-timey gender roles aside, Drew and Adam’s families end up vacationing in Africa together and falling in love. It’s predictable and cheesy and is set in Africa for seemingly no other reason than the actors wanted a free vacation there. Just go with it (also starring Adam Sandler). While I wouldn’t recommend you pay for this movie, I would tell you that there are two things you should know about it.
1. Ten-Second-Tom (Allen Covert) from 50 First Dates makes a cameo in the beginning.
2. George (Alexis Arquette) from The Wedding Singer makes a cameo at the end.
While I would’ve given them both much, much larger roles in the movie, it was a nice shout out to people like myself who’ve seen the Drew-Barrymore-Adam-Sandler-Rom-Com-Trio.