Paris Hilton And Justin Bieber Supposedly Hooked Up, And That Makes Perfect Sense

Paris Hilton attending Cannes Film Festival May 2014If you’d asked me yesterday if there was anyone on Earth who I thought should be dating Justin Bieber, I would’ve said no. After all, look what happened to Selena Gomez after she got sucked into his web of eggs and lies. But now I’m hearing that he and Paris Hilton were seen leaving a party together, and I’m like, “Oh yeah, I can totally see that.”

The two of them were partying at Busta Rhymes‘ birthday bash in Cannes, because it’s apparently 1999 again and Busta is still a real human being in the world. Not sure how that happened, but regardless, even though they’re thirteen years apart in age (Paris is thirty-three, which is insane, and Bieber is still only twenty), Celebuzz says they were seen getting super cozy. At one point, Paris even hopped up to sit in Justin’s lap while he was sitting on the throne. Oh yeah, did I not mention? There was a throne there, and Justin was sitting in it. Because he can’t stop won’t stop being the real-life version of King Joffrey from Game Of Thrones. Honestly can’t even believe this is real life right now.

And their throne canoodling was apparently fruitful, because about an hour later, they were seen leaving the club — TOGETHER. This is not a drill. And you know what? I’m not even that mad about it. If anything, these two deserve each other, and it would definitely make sense as a pairing, given that River Viiperi, the last guy that Paris was linked to, is only twenty-two. She may in fact still be dating him, but either way, it proves that she’s into younger guys. And as far as Bieber goes, he’s definitely proven a baffling ability in the past to lure in older ladies, being linked via the rumor mill to Miranda Kerr while she was supposedly still married to Orlando Bloom.

I honestly don’t think that I could have dreamed a better match.

(Photo: Lavinia Fontana / FutureImage /

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    • Jenni

      Totes in agreement with you. Before this rumor, I couldn’t see him dating anyone. Now I see it perfectly.

      • Alexis Rhiannon

        Crystal clear!

    • Alyssa

      Paris is so thirsty for relevancy.

      • Alexis Rhiannon

        I’m sure you know what I want to respond to this, but I can’t make myself type it.

    • Alana Vincenza

      I need a photoshopped version of Bieber on the Iron Throne and I need it NOW. (And then I wouldn’t mind if a Kingslayer showed up…or some poison…I’m not picky.)

      • Alexis Rhiannon

        Can’t believe this doesn’t exist yet.

      • whatismynameagain

        modern equivalent of the strangler would be arsenic LOL

    • Nbl

      I hope the Biebs enjoys the gift that just keeps giving.

    • Katie

      This article is everything! The celebrity gods have blessed us with the douchiest couple in the universe, I didn’t think Kim and Kanye could be outdone!

      • Alexis Rhiannon

        Thank you, Katie! That’s such a very nice thing to say! (About me, not about Kimye. Eff Kimye.)

    • fantasymother

      I didn’t think it was possible for anything to make her seem more trashy. I was wrong.