The date for their wedding is less than a week away, so Kim Kardashian and Kanye West now have mere days to convince us that they’re a real couple. And what better way to do that than by posing for an artistic spread in a French magazine, complete with a tasteful boob grab?
The magazine in question was L’Officiel Hommes, which is the same publication that Kimye covered back in February of last year, appearing shirtless and in a passionate, windblown embrace. I thought that was probably as uncomfortable as a Kim and Kanye photo shoot could make me, but that was before they did the cover of Vogue without first learning how to touch each other on the hands without looking like life-size dolls. I haven’t slept a night in months, Anna Wintour, so I hope you’re happy.
And now we have yet another contender for the prize of Most Awkward Depiction Of A Relationship — a whole series of black and white images of Kim and Kanye both together and separate, just living their lives in expensive-looking leather garments. Unquestionably the jewel in the collection’s crown is the photo I’ve included at the top, with Kanye bending to press his face into the side of Kim’s (“Is this what a kiss looks like? Am I doing it?”) while one hand clenches into a fist on the side of her neck, as though betraying his true feelings about the shoot.
And, finally, the piece de resistance — as soon as you finish looking at all the things that need to be looked at in the top half of the photo, you realize that Kanye’s left arm has re-entered the frame at the bottom, and his hand is giving Kim’s boob a good strong honk. All this while she lies still like a corpse and gazes bemusedly out as us from under heavily-lidded eyes. As weird as it is, I guess I should be thankful that Kimye isn’t trying to pull the wool over our eyes — based on their chemistry, this might be the furthest they’ve gone since North West was conceived.
(Photo: Nick Knight for L’Officiel Hommes)