Please have a seat and try to make yourself as calm as possible, because what I’m about to tell you is going to have an immediate and devastating effect on your heart – Jennifer Lawrence and Justin Bieber met at a party this past weekend, and now they’re…friends. I’m sorry.
Are you okay so far? Feeling healthy? If your heart is still feeling alright, it might be because that information manifested elsewhere in your body, maybe as a gag reflex or a sadness blackout. Everyone’s body is different. In any case, the calamitous meeting took place at Vanity Fair and Armani’s Cannes Film Festival Party, held at the Hotel du Cap. It was hosted by Giorgio Armani and Graydon Carter, who is on strike two at this point, after first betraying us by pulling that Gwyneth Paltrow expose last year. Now he’s facilitating Bieber-Lawrence meetings? What’s next, Graydon? You gonna get Katy Perry and John Mayer back together? BLEGH.
Jennifer was always supposed to attend, alongside other fancy people like Russell Crowe, Josh Hutcherson, Naomi Watts, and Rob Pattinson, but Bieber was a late addition to the list, rolling in in all his diaper-pants glory to practice ruining a party before the Miami High prom this Friday. Except he didn’t ruin it! People were acting like somehow it was a pleasant surprise, posing with him for photos, exchanging phone numbers with him, and in J-Law’s case, entering the party and immediately crowing, “I want to meet Bieber!!” Facepalm.
There are no pictures of Jennifer and Justin ‘exchanging pleasantries’, as she apparently declined a photograph, saying she wanted Justin and herself to ‘meet as real people’. As real people, huh? Good luck — this kid has left quite a trail of international offense in his wake, and I don’t think he’s hit France yet, so everybody watch out.
(Photo: Ian Gavan / Getty Images Entertainment)