Just when I thought the Billboard Music Awards would be boring, Kendall Jenner took the stage to introduce 5 Seconds of Summer (which is now a band and not just a measure of time). At first I was like, “boooo, get off the stage you wannabe celebrihuman!” But then she started speaking and I was like, “stay right where you are and never leave the stage ever you beautiful Adele Dazeem you!”
Why the sudden change of heart? Well turns out Momager Kris Jenner forgot to teach Kendall Jenner how to read! Or least read real good. Which makes sense. Who has time for literacy when you’re launching a career as a model/KardashainSpawn/ TokenAwardsShowPresenter/WomanWithManySlashes2DescribeHerCareer?
Kendall Jenner, that’s who! After failing the teleprompter reading test — second in difficulty only to the eye doctor test — she confesses, “guys, I’m the worst reader.” After seeing this, it will be hard for you to disagree with her. Or to understand what she was possibly reading. No seriously, whaaaattt? One Direction is NOTHING like 5 Seconds of Summer. Any real music fan knows that.
She attempts to explain her illiteracy by pulling the whole “I forgot to wear my contacts” card. Which is offensive to me as a contacts wearer and to her contacts who never asked to be dragged into this whole mess. Because we all know that no one who needs contacts can possibly forget to put them in. It’s kinda the difference between being able to see and NOT BEING ABLE TO SEE ANYTHING.
— Kendall Jenner (@KendallJenner) May 19, 2014
Also, I have to ask, who told Kendall which letters to press to type this tweet?