Whatever you think you know — forget it, because Kanye West and Kim Kardashian‘s wedding isn’t happening in Paris. I KNOW YOU GUYS. I’m as blindsided as you are.
We’ve only been telling you for months if not years if not decades that this epic merging of two
souls paychecks would be taking place in the city that Kanye was so reluctant to leave when Kim was pregnant, but apparently we were wrong. Whatever joys and miracles that city holds, they’re apparently for Kanye alone, because the ceremony will be in an entirely different city — nay, an entirely different country! — Florence, Italy.
And guys. I haven’t even told you the best/worst part yet. This isn’t just a casual venue change to throw everybody off. There’s a very real reason behind it, and it has to do with SEX. Apparently Florence is important to them because they secretly conceived North West there. Vomit vomit ten thousand vomits. I have to go wash out my mouth, so I’ll let Kanye explain this one on his own, to the Italian newspaper La Nazione:
“I adore Florence. I love Italy and the Italian lifestyle. To tell you the truth, I already came to the banks of the Arno with Kim last year, just the two of us, incognito. I think that our daughter North was conceived here among the Renaissance masterpieces. It was our first honeymoon. It is one of the most beautiful cities in the world—for me the most beautiful in Europe.”
GAH I CANNOT.
- Incognito, yeah right.
- Maybe the first time I’ve ever heard Kanye say ‘us’ or ‘our’.
- ‘Among the masterpieces’. Unless you had sex in a museum, which I in no way want to hear about, you need to effing cool it.
- First honeymoon. FIRST.
According to fashion designer Ermanno Scervino, with whom Kanye has been studying, the couple will be wed at Forte di Belvedere, a fort built in the sixteenth century, and it will still be on May 24th. Let’s all cross our fingers that the date doesn’t change as well, or else I really will have no idea which way is up.
(Photo: Andres Otero / WENN.com)