I’m sure there are plenty of great, compelling reasons to believe in god, but listening toÂ Justin Bieber talk about the Bible for even twenty secondsÂ makes every single one of them fly out of my head.
How do I know that? Because Justin appears in a little vignette at the end of his friend Brandon Burke’s video ‘The Pledge’, which he made in an effort to raise one million pledges for god in collaboration with his #iPledge campaign. (Because the heavenly host understands hashtags and He’d love it if you could sign their petition!!!!!) Justin only talks for about twenty seconds, during which time he is utterly incapable of wrapping his head around the fact that god forgave the earth for killing his son, Jesus.
Take a drink every time he says the word ‘son’, and I’ll see you on the other side. Justin’s part starts at around 3:55.
“For God loved the world so much he gave up his own son, right?Â Imagine, like, someone killing your son. Like a bunch of people killing your [son]. These are your people, right? Itâ€™s like, how are you killing my son? Thatâ€™s my son. Itâ€™s gonna be hard for you to forgive. God forgave everyone and they killed his son. That shows how much grace God has.”
LIKE, HOW ARE YOU KILLING MY SON, BRO? I’m no biblical scholar or anything…but Justin clearly is. His comprehensive grasp of the literature is so impressive that I want to gather my humble flock at his feet and drink of his wisdom like so much blessed wine. I’m obsessed with this.Â And again, this has absolutely nothing to do with religion itself. Everybody’s welcome to their own beliefs, and I’ve been a part of some really interesting, intellectual conversations about faith and sacrifice — it’s just that the words coming out of this idiot‘s mouth aren’t contributing to one of them.
I’m just trying to give a heads up to Brandon and god and everybody that if you make Justin the person in charge of recruitment, I think it’s gonna be hard to rustle up enough converts to make up a kickball team.