Please Tell Me That Sean Penn And Charlize Theron Aren’t Actually Making Wedding Plans

Charlize Theron and Sean Penn attending Met Gala May 2014I swear to god, sometimes I think celebrities don’t listen to a single word I say. I spend at least fifteen minutes of every day sending mental reminders to Charlize Theron that Sean Penn is known to be extremely volatile both in and out of relationships, and yet not only are they still together, but they’re apparently talking marriage already! Have I telepathically communicated nothing???

The two of them have only been openly dating since January, which is right around four months in case anyone is still struggling with addition and subtraction, but according to a source in the new issue of Life & Style, they’re hoping to be married in August. AUGUST. Of this year.

This source claims that while Sean hasn’t officially proposed yet, he and Charlize recently spent an evening doing some planning at the restaurant Tra di Noi in Malibu with their respective mothers:

“They are going to use a wedding planner, but they brought along Charlize’s mom, Gerda, and Sean’s mother, Eileen, to discuss strategy.”

Strategy, huh? Well I know one strategy I’ve heard about before is never making any big decisions before it’s been a year, but it seems like we’re kind of throwing caution to the wind on that one, huh?

“They plan to have 200 guests on the beach in Malibu sometime in August. Sean wants his musician brother Michael to be his best man, and Charlize has respectfully asked her mom to be her maid of honor.”

Yeah, sure dudes. Definitely. Definitely marry someone who was charged with felony domestic assault on Madonna during their four-year marriage before you’ve even dated him for twelve months. I’m sure the feelings are really intense right now between you, but that’s all the more reason to wait until they mellow out, right? See how you behave toward each other when things aren’t idyllic? I DON’T KNOW WORK WITH ME HERE.

Ugh, just talking it out is no use. There’s no way she’s ever gonna read this, so I’m just gonna go put on a tinfoil hat and practice sending all these thoughts to Charlize for a while. Wish me luck!

(Photo: Rob Rich / WENN.com)

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    • Samantha Escobar

      I hate every single thing about this. I hate it so much. I hate it, I hate it.

      • Alexis Rhiannon

        I knowwwww.

    • JIm

      I don’t know much about Sean Penn but anyone who lived being married to Madonna has to be a stud. I imagine it’s either fight back or be emasculated.

    • JenH1986

      Why? Just…why?

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