• Mon, May 5 - 2:37 pm ET

Brad Pitt Bought His Son A Justin Bieber Portrait, It’s Unclear If This Is A Mean Gift Or A Harsh Punishment

pax jolie pitt crying northface fleeceOooo boy. If you thought your parents were tough on you, this Brad Pitt story will make you think again. In fact, it will make you feel obligated to call your parents and thank them for not treating you this cruelly.

According to The Daily Star Newspaper, which sounds very real and not at all like the name of a newspaper in a Lifetime movie, Brad Pitt bought his son a Justin Bieber portrait…ON PURPOSE. Poor, poor Pax Jolie-Pitt. No matter what he did or how he misbehaved, I can’t believe that he deserves such a harsh punishment. Why, I’d hate to put words in his mouth, but I do believe that he’d likely prefer a life sentence over this. And just in case you thought the worst was over, let me tell you that the portrait is wooden. Pax now has to spend the rest of his life knowing that he’s the owner of a wooden Justin Bieber portrait. Look, I’m racking my brain, but I truly can’t think of any punishment worse than this. Including the time my mother wouldn’t let me watch Dawson’s Creek in 5th grade even though I explained to her that it was crucial for my social life that I be up to date on it in the morning. I can trace my problem with girls right back to that very morning. That fact that I couldn’t correctly answer “Can you believe what Joey to Pacey last night?” was the first day of the rest of my life as a social pariah. I haven’t had a friend since.

While The Daily Star newspaper’s acting like this is a “gift,” we know better. It’s 2014. There’s nothing gift-able about Justin Bieber right now. Maybe in 2008, a parent could give a Justin Bieber “gift” to their kids and have it be a nice gesture. But now, forget it. I’m not going to call CPS, but I’m certainly going to think about it. For at least the next seven minutes.

(Photo: Felipe Ramales,PacificCoastNews.)

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  • Olivia Wilson

    Oh, to be a fly on the wall when Pax forced out a grateful smile after receiving the portrait.

  • Alexis Rhiannon

    And he cried great blue tears.

  • M_G

    In all fairness, I’m sure Pax was warned about the consequences of badmouthing World War Z, so he might only have himself to blame.