Everybody come in here and help me. I just watched Matt LeBlanc give an interview on The Graham Norton Show, and all I want to do is throw open my windows and shout out, “When did Joey get so OOOOOOOOOOOOLD?” to the entire city.
At some place in my brain, I am cognitively aware that Friends was a long time ago. I know that it didn’t just now go off the air, but when we start throwing around numbers like 2004, which was the year the final episode aired and also TEN YEARS AGO, I don’t really have a concept for that.
And you know why? Because everybody looks the same! Sure, Courteney Cox is a little more stretched out, but Jennifer Aniston hasn’t aged a day since the show’s pilot in 1994. (I genuinely believe that she may have discovered the Fountain Of Youth and just isn’t telling the rest of us about it.) We saw Matthew Perry at the height of addiction during the show, so any image I see of him since looks spry and youthful, no matter his age. I don’t see David Schwimmer enough to have an opinion on his face, and Lisa Kudrow I just love so much that I’m unable to discern her individual features. I register it all as a bright, glorious light that I may bask in.
And any time I saw Matt LeBlanc, I just admired his tastefully graying hair and assumed he was the same old Joey as always. Until I heard him talk during this interview. And then everything changed. I saw his mouth moving, and I heard words related to Joey’s acting techniques (‘pretend like you’re smelling a fart’) coming out, but there was no way this voice was coming out of Joey, right? My Joey? MY JOEY. Does he smoke, or what? What is happening? We promised each other we’d never grow old!
I don’t want to overreact here, so I won’t, but I just need to know — How old am I? AM I A CRONE? IS MY FACE CRUMBLING TO PIECES IN FRONT OF YOUR VERY EYES? CAN YOU SEE ME? AM I DUST???!?!?!?!?
Please write back. Love, Alexis.