As the entire world is no doubt aware by now, George Clooney has finally gone and proposed actual marriage to an actual human woman. And not just any woman – Amal Alamuddin is a highly intelligent and successful-in-her-own-right human rights lawyer/barrister (raise your hand if you had to look up what ‘barrister’ means like I did) who doesn’t need his fame and devilish charms to advance her career or land her a spot on the 56th season of Dancing With The Stars.
After years of relationships and perfecting his permanent bachelor status through endless quotes to magazines about how “terrible” he is at marriage, the news that George Clooney is engaged comes as an intriguing delight (to everyone but Stacy Kiebler, probably). But what about the ghosts of girlfriends past? In case you’ve forgotten about all of the lovely ladies who have fallen for this renowned rake (how Harlequin romance novels would describe him, duh) let’s catch up with the all the gals he’s loved before.
Don’t shed a tear on her behalf. Talia is George’s one and only ex-wife, and the two were married for about four years before getting divorced in the early nineties, but she’s now married to John Slattery (aka that other silver fox, Roger Sterling) and has recently had memorable roles on Mad Men and Homeland.
2. Kelly Preston
Apparently she and George adopted his beloved pet pig, Max, together. And while he got custody of the pig, she got custody of John Travolta and his toupee.
3. Renee Zellweger
This relationship was an on-again/off-again rumor throughout the early 2000s. Which is also where I think she left her career. After annulling her marriage to Kenny Chesney and starring in the Bridget Jones Diary movies, things have been pretty quiet on the Renee Zellweger front lately.
4. Krista Allen
I only know who she is because I used to watch Days of Our Lives during my pre-teen years, and still laugh out loud when Liar, Liar is on (shhh, don’t tell anyone). She and George had a thing going in the late ’90s-early 2000s. The only thing I know about her now is that there are a lot of pictures of her boobs on Tumblr.
5. Lisa Snowdon
A British supermodel, Lisa and George dated off and on for four years, finally breaking it off in 2006. Apparently her career kind of stalled while dating him, but she’s now a fairly popular TV personality across the pond.
6. Elisabetta Canalis
Ah yes. The Italian beauty with the totally-ruins-her-entire-look barbed wire armband tattoo. After being a fixture on George’s arm for a couple of years (the standard contract, I believe), she went on to be a contestant on Dancing With The Stars and now may or may not date Steve-O from Jackass.
7. Stacy Kiebler
Stacy Kiebler, former professional wrestler, began dating George in 2011 and attended all major award shows with him last year. The two broke up a year ago, and Kiebler has since married some rando with whom she is also expecting her first child this year. In her defense, she was a DWTS contestant before she met George. But since the two broke up, she’s been a regular fixture at runway shows and other A-list events, so that’s good…. right?
(Lead GIF: Tumblr)