Don’t get me wrong, I’m all aboard the Shailene Woodley train, mostly because I really enjoy her and partly because hopping on celebrity bandwagons is one of my favorite pastimes. It’s no secret that Shailene is our favorite wood nymph/flower child/herb harvester, and we love her for being different and not giving a crap if she sounds weird to the rest of us. But after reading her recent interview with Natural Health magazine (something I didn’t even know exists), I had visions of Gwyneth Paltrow and a little GOOPy pretension in my head:
“We were foraging for wild leeks in Maine last year, and one of my friends said, ‘Does anyone want the rest of my rhizome?’ And we all cracked up, thinking that only here and with this group of people would someone ask that question.”
Umm… pardon my ignorance, but what the heck is a ‘rhizome’? I’m too lazy and mainstream to look it up. Other than being an ingredient in Gwyneth’s latest non-cookbook, I mean. She goes on to talk about making her own Native American herbal medicines, and other “indigenous hunter-gatherers.” Also, this:
“I find myself living in two worlds sometimes — being this person who can walk a red carpet in a huge, fancy-ass ball gown, high heels and mountains of makeup, but also being the girl at a hippie festival in the middle of the forest with war paint on my face, dancing around with hairy armpits. I exist so well in both, and I used to feel like I had to choose one or the other.”
Whoa. Slow your hippie roll, girl. I don’t want to lecture you on the whole “war paint” thing, because I think we all learned how that comes across thanks to Ireland Baldwin. While I can find a hint of appreciation for how comfortable she is in her skin (which is far more than I can muster up for Gwyneth and her conscious gag-inducing), I can’t help but hope the fact that this is printed and not said aloud in her own fairy-like lilt is the reason I smell a twinge of pretension in this interview.
I blame GOOP. It’s poisoned us all, really.